


I rather be a lover than a fighter

by OdotumSuojelius



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eating Disorders, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, post 4x04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:53:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27176155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OdotumSuojelius/pseuds/OdotumSuojelius
Summary: Sets after 4x04Kurt never imagined he would pump into Sebastian Smythe ever again. Surely not during a hospital visit. Definitely not like Sebastian was now. But with Blaine gone... how bad can the smirking boy really be?
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 58
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this at some point of 2019 and I have like five chapters ready. Maybe I find motivation to finish this when I start posting the chapters! 
> 
> Tigger warning: talk about eating disorder
> 
> Also English is not my first language and there are lots of mistakes so sorry about that

Kurt hated hospitals. He always had and always will. Too many bad things had happened in hospital: his mother dying, his mental health issues, his father’s heart attack… He avoided them at all cost but now he had just known he had to come in for a check out. 

Blaine and him had broken up about a month ago. Their relationship had suffered after Kurt had moved to New York and Blaine stayed behind finishing up high school. The distance was too much. Kurt got busy with work and living his new life. When Blaine had cheated on him, he almost felt relieved. It was easier to end the relationship then and there than continue what would eventually fall apart. 

It didn’t mean Kurt wasn’t hurting though. He very much was. Blaine was his first love. His first boyfriend. His first time. They had been together for almost two years. It was weird to be single now. Santana had offered making him a Tinder but Kurt had forbidden her from doing that. He didn’t want someone new. He needed time to heal and work on himself and that was also why came to the hospital. 

Sleeping became harder. He didn’t feel hungry anymore. He didn’t get excited for anything anymore. It wasn’t anything too serious. Not yet at least and that’s why he wanted to come talk to a doctor. Get some support. Maybe sleeping pills. Something to help so he wouldn’t fall to darkness again. 

Kurt walked out of the hospital with sleeping pills in his bag and a lighter mind. It was the last days of fall but it was still a warm day. Sun was shining and the air felt warm. Maybe this is all I need, Kurt thought. Some sun therapy. 

Kurt checked his watch quickly. He had rest of the afternoon off and in no hurry to anywhere. Next bus would still be fifteen minutes away. Kurt looked around a little. He wouldn’t go back to hospital not even for a cup of coffee. Maybe he could just sit down, enjoy the sun and breathe, he thought as he walked to a close bench. 

There was already a young man sitting on that bench but Kurt left what he thought was enough space between them. Kurt felt the man - he couldn’t be much older than Kurt - gaze at him a little as he sat down. The man was wearing grey sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. Kurt noticed a hospital bracelet on him but couldn’t quite work out what it read. Kurt gazed at the man’s face only giving him a small forced smile before looking forward. 

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Kurt can feel the guy looking at him from time to time before he catches him smirking a little. Something about that smirk was familiar, Kurt thought but before he managed to figure out who it was, the guy started speaking. 

“You don’t recognize me Kurt?” Kurt turned to look at the guy's eyes wide. Sebastian. “I am almost offended.”

“Se- Sebastian?” Kurt stuttered out looking at the other guy shocked. “Yo- Is it really you?”

The voice and the smirk sure belonged to Sebastian Smythe but he didn’t look like himself at all. Sebastian had got thinner clearly. He looked much smaller even from his face. His skin was even paler and he had dark circles around his eyes. The hair wasn’t done the usual way but was almost hanging on his forehead. And never had Kurt ever imagined seeing the other boy in sweatpants and a hoodie. 

“I can show you my ID if you want to,'' Sebastian said that confident smirk on his face. At least something had stayed the same even though the smirk seemed more empty. 

“No need. That meerkat look tells me enough”, Kurt told Sebastian who hummed at that turning his gaze away from Kurt. Kurt meanwhile looked around the man for a while before breaking the silence. “What are you doing here? In New York I mean”

“I got to Columbia”, Sebastian said, still just looking forward enjoying the sun shine on his face. “I’m studying law there.”

“Wow”, Kurt hummed a little looking at Sebastian impressed. Getting into Columbia wasn’t easy but Sebastian seemed not that bothered. “So you have left all dancing and singing behind you?”

“Mostly”, Sebastian nodded a little the small smile he had had untill this fading away. “I grew up I guess… But how’s NYADA? I bet you aren’t a special butterfly there. There gotta be even gayer guys there than you.”

Kurt moved his gaze away from Sebastian and sighed a little. He looked forward aswell. NYADA… He wasn’t sure if that was even his dream anymore. He hadn’t sung in such a long time. 

“I never got in”, Kurt said calmly and Sebastian gazed to him. “But don’t you feel sorry for me. I work for Vogue now and there is always next year when I can apply again.”

“Wow you just got even gayer”, Sebastian chuckled a little which got a faint smile from Kurt. “No for real Nyada doesn't know what they are missing. You are a good singer. Dancer no but singer.”

“Thank you I guess”, Kurt said with small smile. Getting a compliment from Sebastian Smythe was rare. Kurt saw buss coming and he stood up. Sebastian’s gaze followed him. “It was maybe even nice to see you Sebastian.”

“You too Kurt”, Sebastian gave Kurt a small smile that faded soon away. “Umm… can you not mention about this to anyone? Me being here.” 

Sebastian pulled down his sleeve to cover the hospital bracelet. There was even hint of fear in his face. Kurt almost felt bad for him. He might have actually felt that if the memories of Sebastian bashing him and the whole ice slushie incident hadn’t happened. Yet that was easy thing to promise. 

“Don’t worry”, Kurt gave Sebastian a smile that clearly made the other man relax right away. “Good luck with whatever it is that you are here for and good luck with Columbia. I bet you are top of the class.”

Sebastian’s smile faded a little when Kurt said the last sentence. He quickly faked a new smile though and nodded to Kurt before turning his gaze away. Kurt frowned a little and was about to open his mouth before noticing the buss already close. He wanted to ask about Sebastian. He wanted to know what was wrong. Seeing the always so confident and sure of himself Sebastian like this. 

Sebastian is not your friend. Sebastian is not a good person. Sebastian tried to throw rock slushie at you. Sebastian probably deserves this, Kurt told himself as he turned around and left towards the buss. Before he stepped to the buss, Kurt turned to gaze at Sebastian one last time. Sebastian was looking right back to him. 

**-**

Kurt freaking Hummel knows I am here, Sebastian thought his hands shaking as he tried to stop the thoughts. No one is suppose to know I am here. No one is allowed to know how weak I am. No one can know what a failure you are. Specially Kurt Hummel is not allowed to know about this. 

No Sebastian stop it, Sebastian told himself shaking his head a little. Stop it. Kurt promised he wouldn’t tell anyone and he doesn’t even know why you are here. And you will soon get out. Everything will be okay. 

“Sebastian? Hello?” Sebastian lifted his head quickly when he heard his name. A young nurse was by his hospital room door with tray looking at Sebastian curiously. “Is everything okay Sebastian?”

“Yes”, Sebastian nodded a quickly moving to sit better on his hospital bed pressing his back against the head of the bed. He swiped his hair off his forehead and followed the nurse’s movements as she put his food down. That is a lot, he thought glaring at the plate full of soup.

“I know it may look like that but you can do it”, the nurse told Sebastian with a sweet smile almost like she was able to read his mind. Sebastian wanted to murder her. “I talked with your doctor and he thinks you can leave in few days. You have done lot of good recovering.”

Sebastian glared at the nurse again and turned his gaze to the window. Few more days. You just have to be able to fake to be good for few more days, Sebastian told himself. You will be back in your real life soon and no one is watching your every move. You will be free. 

Sebastian had gone to Columbia with high hopes for the future. As much as he had liked Dalton and being part of the Warblers, he hated living in Ohio. It was way too small - for fuck sake he had lived in Paris before - and things had gotten a bit tense with rest of the Warblers after the whole slushie incident. New York would be a new start for his life. A good school and new people. 

Nothing had gone like he had hoped. Meeting new people had been harder than he had thought. Yes the campus full of freshmen but he didn’t feel comfortable. People didn’t seem to fall for his charm like everyone else always did and his confidence started breaking. 

Then came the problems with school. He was used to being top to the class and getting straight A’s from all the tests. University was something else though. He wasn’t failing or anything but getting C and B felt like a stabs straight to his chest. He felt his whole life just crumble down. 

Soon Sebastian wasn’t leaving his small studio apartment except for lectures. He tried focusing on school and workouts. He desperately wanted to get to lacrosse team for next semester. He knew his working out and eating went little over but those were the few only things keeping him up and something he had control over. After fainting during a lesson his father forced him to stay in the hospital till doctor would allow him to leave. Thank god that day was soon here. 

Sebastian knew he had fucked up. He knew his mental health had really taken damage and he knew he was just making it worse. Finding hope was just kind of hard. Sebastian wanted to be happy. 

Sebastian sighed a little as he moved closer to the table and his food. He moved the spoon around the soup for a moment. He really wanted out of the hospital. He also really didn’t want to come back there again. 

“Here we go”, Sebastian whispered to himself as he ate the first spoonful of the soup. He took deep breaths between every spoon but he was able to finish the plate. 

Sebastian pushed the empty plate away before slowly laying on the bed. His mind wandered right away to Kurt. He tried to push everything Ohio related away but seeing Kurt hadn’t actually been so bad. He felt bit like his old self. That was a good feeling. 

**-**

“Hello? Kurt?!” Rachel’s voice snapped Kurt out of his thoughts. “Are you okay? You seemed to be off.”

“I am fine don’t worry”, Kurt forced a smile to Rachel as he ran his hand through his hair. “How was your school day? How is it with that awful dance teacher?”

That will keep her going for awhile, Kurt thought as he just smiled to Rachel as she started rambling on and on about NYADA and her school day. Kurt focused again on just pushing his food around his place and let Rachel’s voice come just a noise. 

He couldn’t get Sebastian out of his mind. Why did he leave and not just stay with the other boy little longer. Sebastian was clearly not okay and he wanted to know what had happened. He had to admit one part of him just wanted to find out just for his pleasure - after all Sebastian had been really awful to him - but he also found himself caring for the other boy. He had looked so small and fragile, Kurt was worried. How could have Sebastian Smythe of all people let himself get like that. 

“Sorry Rachel I am super tired”, Kurt cut Rachel off standing up from the table. Rachel looked at him confused. “Sorry it’s just that the doctor gave me some sleeping meds and I really want to try them. It’s been hectic at work and with everything… you know”

“Yeah don’t worry”, Rachel smiled softly to Kurt. “I have lot of homework to do anyway… lot of stretching and oh we got some new dance moves I really gotta pra-” 

Kurt stopped listening at that point and just walked straight to his bedroom. He sat down on his bed just taking few deep breaths. He threw his clothes off and swallowed the pills before laying on the bed. He really needed sleep and forget the whole day. 

After fifteen minutes of rolling around the bed, Kurt took his phone and started scrolling through instagram. The doctor said the pills would take a moment to affect but he just wanted to sleep so bad. Kurt scrolled through his front page before just stopping to think. Sebastian, he thought and went to search. 

He had been on Sebastian’s page before when he and Blaine were close. Then he had just wanted to know what his competition was and maybe be sure that he and Blaine weren’t in the same place. He had been careful not to leave any traces of him being on his page back then but now after a moment of thinking he pressed the follow button before starting to look through the pictures. 

Sebastian’s instagram was perfectly balanced. Few selfies there, some pics from life and others where he can be seen fully. It was almost like every photo was perfectly calculated. Sebastian had spent the summer in Europe it seemed, there were some pictures from Warbler times but the other man had clearly stopped posting so much after New York. 

Kurt stopped by Sebastian’s graduation photo from the spring. Sebastian was posing effortlessly while wearing his dark blue suit. The suit fitted him perfectly, but Kurt doubted it would anymore. Comparing the Sebastian he had just seen and the picture was miles apart. Something must have happen. 

Kurt felt his eyes starting to fall close and tiredness taking over. He gazed to the picture one more time before putting his phone away and pulling the blanket on him. Maybe the pills were really working. 

When Kurt woke up the next morning, there was a notification on his phone 

_ “Sebastian Smythe started following you back” _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the support this fic has gained! It is amazing to see that so many of us are still thinking about this small ship after all these years haha

It was few weeks after Sebastian got let go off the hospital. Mostly everything had got back to what it had been before. He went to his lectures, he went to work out, he did try to eat a bit more to keep himself from having to go to the hospital again. 

One thing, however, had changed: he was back to his Dalton self spending at least few nights a week in different gay bars around the city, drinking till he was able to stop the bad feelings, waking up the next morning in stranger’s bed and getting out of the apartment before the man next to him would wake up. 

Sebastian very much knew that alcohol wasn’t the answer either to keeping in shape or the loneliness eating him inside. But going out had almost became an addiction. The attention he got from the men in the club was something that made him feel alive. The way they would grab him on the dancefloor, the rough kisses while he is pinned against the wall and the night of pleasure. It made him go to the bars again and again. This time however he didn’t go to the usual - too many familiar faces and decided to change the bar. 

**-**

“It’s been like two months from the breakup already!” Rachel told Kurt trying to get his attention. “Come on! All you do now is work or then just watch tv. We are in New York Kurt! This place is full of hot gay guys! You should come to the club with us please Kurt!”

“Rachel can you move away from the tv”, Kurt complained laying on the sofa pulling blanket on himself better. “I can’t see the movie.”

Kurt had started feeling better after the doctor’s visit. He had got most of his appetite back and had started sleeping better but he still didn’t feel greatest. He loved his work but that was most of his life now was. Work work work… Maybe I do need a little break, Kurt thought. 

“Come on Kurt!” Rachel sat next to Kurt on the sofa making a puppy dog eyes her lower lip sticking out. “The club is one of the hottest gay clubs around. Jamie said that it’s the place to be! We are going as a group it’s easy oh and you could meet Ollie! He broke up with his boyfriend few months ago too… I think you two could really hit it off.” 

Kurt sighed looking at Rachel but he was still thinking. He hadn’t been out after the breakup and while he really didn’t care for any Ollie or any new boyfriend maybe he needed to just go out. Rachel’s friend group had hung at their place few times and honestly they seemed like nice people. 

“Fine Rachel”, Kurt said with a little smile to Rachel while she jumped up excited. “But Rachel listen to me! I am just coming to the club and see what it looks like. I am not there to hook up with anyone especially with any of your friends.”

“Oh my god Kurt you are gonna have the best time ever!” Rachel smirked excited and ran to get Kurt a wine glass as well. “You won’t regret this!” 

**-**

Dear god I regret this, Kurt thought after 30 minutes being in the club. Rachel’s friends were way too drunk which made them even louder and they kept disappearing to the club all the time. Rachel was no help either it seemed as she found some guy to talk about Nyada and all her solos. 

Kurt was left alone at the table with his drink just looking to the dancefloor. It was full of good looking people and Kurt didn’t even dare to go and try dance there. He was a bad dancer he knew that. Blaine always managed to get him to relax and dance but without him there he knew he didn’t belong in the dancefloor. Still he kept looking to there until his gaze stopped on certain guy. Sebastian. 

Sebastian Smythe was dancing there. His eyes were closed and he clearly let the the music guide him. His movements were effortless and he looked amazing while he danced. (It was dark but Sebastian looked a bit better than in the hospital maybe but not still back to his own self, Kurt thought). Kurt wasn’t only one who clearly noticed as guys kept touching Sebastian pulling him close to dance with them. The soft smirk was back on his face. 

Kurt looked how Sebastian was just going from guy to guy dancing with one a little bit longer than other. He let them come close but everytime the guy tried to go for a kiss Sebastian pulled away. It was like a game and it made Kurt angry. 

He wasn’t sure why though. Did he want to be Sebastian and that wanted like he was? Did he want to touch someone like those guys touched Sebastian? Did he want to touch Sebastian? 

Kurt sighed deeply shaking his head. He was tired and felt a headache coming. He stood up from the table and left to the bathroom. Maybe he just needed to get off the loud music for awhile. 

**-**

Sebastian let another guy pull him close to dance with him. He let the guy’s hands rest on his waist and slide down. The new club had been a mistake. It was full of twinks he wasn’t into and the flow wasn’t right. At least there was good music so Sebastian was able to dance and get off real life. 

When the guy pulled Sebastian for a kiss, Sebastian turned his head away quickly. He wasn’t drunk enough to let the guy kiss him and definitely not drunk enough to even pretend the guy was attractive. 

“Come on kiss me!” the guy told Sebastian pulling him closer by his waist. Sebastian moved his hand on the guy’s chest right away pushing him away. The man tried pulling him back but Sebastian pushed him away. “You can’t be like that… come on pretty boy!”

“In your dreams”, Sebastian rolled his eyes and headed off the dancefloor. He just wanted the attention and nothing else. Sebastian hear the guy shout after him something about him being pathetic. He only showed his middle finger to the guy as he walked to the bathroom to breathe for a moment. 

Sebastian leaned against the sink taking couple deep breaths while fixing his hair. He looked to the mirror swallowing hard. He knew it was a stupid game he was playing. He knew it was also dangerous game. There would be time he would annoy the wrong guy and things would get serious. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

“Hello stranger”, Sebastian turned around when he heard familiar voice coming next to him. Kurt gave him a quick smile while washing his hands. “We meet again.”

“Clearly”, Sebastian smiled a little and looked to Kurt. “Thought I wouldn’t exactly think I would find you hear. It’s not your scene is it?”

“No it isn’t”, Kurt said while drying his hands to a paper. “But this definitely is your scene. Looking at you go from guy to guy in the dancefloor.”

“You jealous?” Sebastian’s smirk grew bigger as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You could have come dance with me as well you know… if you want to touch me so badly.”

“As if I would ever touch a whore like you”, Kurt said simply looking Sebastian straight to his eyes and walked out of the bathroom and to the street. 

Kurt couldn’t explain why he had exploded like that to Sebastian. He knew the other boy didn’t deserve it but he just felt angry. I just messed up everything. I just need to get home, Kurt thought just starting to head home before hearing his name. 

“Hummel!” Sebastian had followed Kurt out of the bar. He looked like he was holding down tears while he looked angry. He took steps closer to Kurt almost shaking. “What the hell was that? You can’t talk to me like that! You think you are so much better than me just because your life is perfect and you have some loser boyfriend Blaine Andersson. Fuck you Kurt!”

Kurt couldn’t hold it in at that moment anymore and he broke down crying. Kurt’s whole body started shaking and tears started streaming down his face as he slowly sank to his knees on the ground. He hadn’t cried after the breakup. He felt sad and he wanted to cry but he wasn’t able. Now it all came out. 

Sebastian looked how Kurt broke down in front of him. All his anger left right away and he kneeled in front of Kurt carefully placing his hand on his shoulder while the smaller boy was shaking worse. All the anger he had been feeling before left his body and only thing he now felt was worry over the other boy. 

“Kurt… I didn’t mean it”, Sebastian tried telling Kurt carefully. “I was just hurt by your words and tried hurting you back… I am sorry... Please don’t cry”

Kurt was shaking and sobbing so much Sebastian just moved closer to Kurt carefully offering his closeness to Kurt. He was still surprised when Kurt leaned against him starting to sob against his chest. Sebastian felt other people in the street look at them but he only felt the other man against his chest feeling the need to protect him. He ran his hand on Kurt’s back trying to calm him somehow still unsure of what was even going on. 

“Kurt shh it’s okay”, Sebastian whispered to Kurt softly stroking his upper back. “Calm down. It’s all okay… Do you wanna go home? I could walk you there or something. Do you live close?”

Kurt tried calming down just taking deep breaths. He moved his hand on Sebastian’s chest carefully trying to rely on his heartbeat and breathe to the same rhythm. The emotion wave was slowly letting go but he wasn’t ready to let go off Sebastian yet. It had been way too long since someone had just hold him. 

“Yes”, Kurt nodded a little pulling away to wipe his tears away but let Sebastian still hold his arms around him. “I… I am sorry… I am not crying because of what you said… I… Can you please walk me?”

“Yes of course”, Sebastian nodded to Kurt right away slowly helping the other man up from the ground and move more to the side of the street. “I will just go get my jacket okay? Wait here.”

Kurt nodded to Sebastian and gave him a soft smile as the other boy left quickly back inside the club. Kurt leaned against the wall looking at Sebastian go wiping the last tears away. His head was officially a mess but he felt warmth in his chest. It was like maybe the other boy actually cared about him. Kurt smiled a little as he took his phone and texted Rachel he was leaving home. 

Sebastian walked back inside to the club quickly getting his jacket back. He stopped by the bar to get a water bottle as well. As he stopped to wait he felt how hard his heart was beating against his chest. He was ready to drop everything to comfort Kurt. That feeling scared him a little. 

”You want some water?” Sebastian asked from Kurt as soon as he walked over to him offering the bottle. He gave Kurt a soft smile while he sipped on the water. ”You feeling okay?”

”Yes” Kurt gave Sebastian a tired smile and gave the bottle back. He started walking slowly with Sebastian next to him. He felt the other man gazing to him all the time. ”I’m sorry… I went over the line… you aren’t a whore… it has just been rough fall.”

”Is okay” Sebastian hummed a little and focused looking forward. ”I wasn’t fair either… it has also been kinda rough… I shouldn’t have dig at you and Blaine tho… How are you two by the way?”

Kurt gazed to Sebastian a little before just looking forward. He had come in terms with their break up and knew this was (probably) for good but dear god it still really hurt. What Blaine did hurt. How things ended hurt. Most however hurt when he told people about the breakup and they started going on and on about how he and Blaine had been such cute couple and couldn’t believe it. 

“We have actually broken up”, Kurt told Sebastian gazing to the other man for a reaction. Sebastian turned to look at Kurt surprised but didn’t say anything. “The distance was too much… and he cheated on me.”

“Damn”, Sebastian hummed a little and looked forward again. “Sorry I had no idea about that… I assumed you were still together. I mean you still have photos of you two together on your instagram.”

“Have you been stalking my instagram?” Kurt asked with a little smile. “I just haven’t felt like deleting them yet. We have still friends after all and I don’t want to pull any attention to this.”

“Hey you started stalking when you followed me”, Sebastian defended himself making Kurt chuckle a bit. Kurt’s laugh made him smile too before becoming more serious again. “Wait when did you two break up exactly?”

“Umm about two months ago. Why?”

“Oh that explains it then. He started messaging me few maybe three months ago. Asking how I am and if I visit home often and would want to meet him…”

“I am sorry what? He has messaged you? Are you serious?” 

Sebastian stopped walking taking his phone out of his pocket and started to go through his messages. Kurt stopped looking at Sebastian his heart beating against his chest even harder. He had tried pushing everything about the breakup to back of his mind. Yes Blaine had cheated and he should be furious but they had been together for so long and maybe if he had been better boyfriend Blaine wouldn’t have cheated. After all his cheating was a just a weak moment when Blaine had been drunk. Expect that didn’t seem to be true as Sebastian gave his phone to Kurt. 

_ “hey seb. how are you man? congratz on getting to colombia” _

_ “are you coming to home anytime soon? wanna go to scandal together?” _

_ “things aren’t that good with kurt. do you wanna meet up? i could come to new york” _

_ “i am so drunk right now… i miss you… i would let you do anything to me” _

_ “hit me up when you get back home… we could have some fun” _

Kurt scrolled through plenty of messages. They were only getting thirstier and more needy. Kurt felt sick to his stomach reading the messages before the breakup had even happened. The cheating clearly hadn’t been a mistake… he had been trying to get Sebastian for weeks before that and after that even more. 

“Sorry you have to read those”, Sebastian said looking how heartbroken Kurt truly looked as he read the messages. Kurt shook his head a little and gave Sebastian his phone back before taking his own phone. “Kurt what are you doing?” 

“Deleting all those god damn instagram pics”, Kurt said as the heartbroken look started to change to anger. He started going through the pics deleting every one of them that reminded him of Blaine. “That bastard could have been cheating on me for months already or at least have tried to and then he made me feel guilty and made me the problem when he stopped being faithful right after I left.”

Sebastian looked at how Kurt kept rambling about how much he hated Blaine while he kept deleting all those pictures. Sebastian had muted Blaine’s messages after the first three ones and hadn’t even looked at them. He had had enough going on in New York and he just hadn’t cared about some god damn Blaine Andersson and his relationship trouble. He didn’t care about Blaine. He might care about someone else thought he thought just looking at Kurt with a little smile. 

“What? Why you smiling like that?” Kurt put his phone away after all pics were deleted. He noticed how Sebastian was looking at him with such a soft smile. It made his heart fluther. 

“You look adorable when you are angry”, Sebastian said softly to Kurt as they started walking again. Kurt’s cheeks blushed a little making Sebastian just smile more. “You also look adorable when you blush.”

“Shut up Sebastian”, Kurt said shaking his head a little as they walked together. “That’s a lot from someone who looks like a meerkat.”

Sebastian laughed a little and gave Kurt a smile. It felt good to smile for real. He felt like his whole life had been just foggy or smokey after moving to New York. His life was just fleeding by and he was just a passenger. It almost felt like he wasn’t even living but that real laugh Kurt got out of him made his heart to almost come to live. 

Kurt looked up to the skye looking at the stars just trying to empty his mind. He kept gazing to Sebastian time to time walking close to him. The other man’s company was comforting and he let their hands keep touching. He hadn’t felt this relax in a long time. He had finally got some of the anger off. 

“This is my place. Thank you for walking me here… and for showing those messages… and just everything”, Kurt stopped by the apartment house’s steps. He turned to look at Sebastian and gave him a smile. “Thank you Sebastian.”

“No problem”, Sebastian gave Kurt a smile and a small nod. “Maybe we see each other around… other just pumping into each other in weird places that we probably shouldn’t be.”

“That would be nice”, Kurt smiled to the other boy. Sebastian gave him one last smile and started walking away. Before Kurt knew what he was doing he opened his mouth. “You could just stay over too you know… I mean is late so… only sleeping tho.”

“You sure?” Sebastian turned to look at Kurt surprised a bit but when Kurt nodded with a smile Sebastian felt the same live feeling in his heart. “Okay thanks.”

They get up to the apartment and Sebastian was positively surprised. The apartment was actually really nice and much better than his own. He had expected some awful modern decor and he even teased Kurt about it. Kurt gave Sebastian a little tour around the apartment and it all felt really easy and comfortable. 

Kurt told Sebastian to go to his bedroom already while he was moisturising his face. He didn’t know what he and Sebastian were. Maybe friends? At least it felt pretty clear that they weren’t enemies anymore. However he wasn’t ready for Rachel to know about any of this before he had figured anything out either. So there was no other option than them both sleeping in his bed. 

When Kurt walked to the bedroom, Sebastian was already fully under the blanket his clothes nicely put to the side. The other boy was already doozing off but opened his eyes a little when he felt Kurt sit on the other side of the bed. 

“You better stay on that side”, Kurt said with a smile as he laid next to Sebastian pulling some of the blanket on him. “No funny business.”

“Oh please if I wanted that you would be so down for it”, Sebastian chuckled gazing to Kurt quickly before closing his eyes as Kurt shut the lights. “But don’t worry. Good night Kurt.”

“Good night Sebastian”, Kurt said with a little smile on his face before turning on his side back towards Sebastian. “Sleep tight.”

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breathe. He had taken his sleeping pill and knew that soon he would be in dreamland. He just wanted to forget all the bad that had happened and just focus on the good - like Sebastian sleeping next to him. There was however one thing he couldn’t get out of his mind. 

“Hey Bass?” Kurt asked after a moment turning to look at Sebastian a little. He doesn’t know where that nickname came but it sounds right. “You awake still?”

“I am trying not to be”, Sebastian hummed already close to falling asleep. 

“I was just thinking… Blaine send you all those needy messages but you never answered him” Kurt said looking to Sebastian. It was dark but he was able to see Sebastian frown a little as he pulled more blanket him. “Last fall you were all over Blaine trying to get him… now you would have had a chance… why didn’t you message him back?”

“Maybe it wasn’t Blaine that I was trying to get” Sebastian mumbled quietly. 

Kurt looked to Sebastian eyes widening. Had Sebastian tried him? He was never interested in Blaine? But Sebastian was kind of a whore right? Kurt sighed a little before laid under the blanket fully. His whole head was full of questions but he still felt peaceful.

Kurt just looked to Sebastian with a little smile. He felt warm feelings in his chest. He carefully moved his hand to wipe Sebastian’s hair off his forehead. The other man made a happy humming noise now fully asleep. 

“Good night Bass”, Kurt whispered to the darkness before closing his eyes and falling asleep right away with a smile on his face.

Some point of the nights Sebastian had his arms wrapped around Kurt’s body while Kurt’s head was resting on his chest. Their legs were tangled together and both had a small smile on their faces. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update coming some point of next week! I hope you like this. Feel free to leave a comment


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian and Kurt wake up cuddled against each other. Oh no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for all the support! I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Sebastian Smythe doesn’t do cuddling. Never have and never will. He doesn’t like people being so close to him. Cuddling was something for weak, he thought. It was pathetic to seek comfort like that from another person when you can just be your strong self. He doesn’t want anyone to touch him with sweet or soft touches. He didn’t need that. 

However when he woke the next morning his arms wrapped tightly around Kurt and the other boy as close as possible leaning against him, he felt good. The night was little foggy and all the conversations were messy but right there holding Kurt, it was all good. 

He told himself he liked it because first time in awhile he didn’t feel cold with Kurt’s body against him so warm. He had felt more cold lately but he told himself it was simple because New York was colder than Lima. (It definately didn’t have anything to do with the fact that he didn’t eat). Now he felt comfortable with Kurt. Almost like time had stopped for a moment. 

After awhile Sebastian got out of the bed to use the bathroom. He carefully moved away not to wake Kurt. Before standing up he just looked at the other boy. Gosh he looked so beautiful sleeping there Sebastian thought before leaving to the bathroom.

When he stood in front of the mirror just looking at himself last night started to feel more real. It was all coming back: how Kurt had called him a whore, how he had shouted at Kurt, how Kurt had broke down, how he had held him, how angry Kurt had got when he saw Blaine’s messages, how he had asked for him to stay over the night, how good it felt to sleep with Kurt. 

It is way too many thoughts at the same time and Sebastian wasn’t good with too many thoughts. He starts to overthink everything way too easy and it gets overwhelming. And when it gets overwhelming Sebastian doesn’t know what to do with himself. He starts starving or drinking or running. Anything that stops the thoughts - and hurt his body. Dear god it would be easy to literally run away now because it’s all getting a little bit too real. 

Sebastian Smythe doesn’t stay till the mornings. He was used to waking up before the mornin to slide off the stranger’s bed and gather his stuff. He didn’t want to stay for breakfast or have any small talk. He didn’t want the guys to think that the night actually meant something. Because the nights surely didn’t mean anything to him. 

This night however meant. He didn’t know what it meant but all he knew was that he hadn’t felt this alive in months. So he stood there by the bed debating on if he should take the easy way out and just grab his clothes and leave or should he just crawl back to the bed. Kurt seemed to still be asleep and honestly it was still kind of early. 

Sebastian loves control and he is always calculating every move he makes. Even then his mind was screaming for him to grab his clothes, run and never see Kurt again. Sometimes he fights against his mind and this is one of those times. 

Sebastian slipped back to the bed again and under the covers. Sebastian settled carefully as close as possible to Kurt and pulled a blanket on them more. He places his head to the side of Kurt’s head just leaning a bit and closing his eyes. He feels warm again. 

When Kurt moved his arm over his body, Sebastian smiled a little. 

**at the same time**

Kurt woke up to Sebastian moving off the bed. He had such a peaceful night of sleep in months that he had now had with Sebastian holding him and he wasn’t ready wake up yet. He had no idea what time it was or why Sebastian was getting off the bed but all he wanted to do was pull Sebastian back and tell him to stay. He wasn’t ready to let go. 

Sebastian’s arms had felt so good around him. Gosh he hadn’t slept with someone in the same bed for months and he felt so safe with the other boy. He didn’t want to think about what it all meant. He just focused how good he felt and how he wanted the moment to continue. It felt natural. 

Kurt opened his eyes slowly when he felt Sebastian stand up from bed. He looked at the other boy and how he stretched for a moment. His heart skipped a beat when he looked at Sebastian’s body. When he had came to the bedroom, Sebastian had already hided under the blanket. Now Kurt knew why. 

Sebastian hadn’t looked like he was fully okay but now Kurt knew he truly wasn’t. He was tiny. He had been captain of the lacrosse team and the captain of the warblers. There was no way he would have been able to do those things with the body he had now. Something has happen, Kurt thought but closed his eyes quickly as Sebastian turned to leave the room. 

Kurt sat up a little when Sebastian left the room. Everything had felt so comfortable he only know understood how weird it was. He and Sebastian agreed to stay on their own side and that’s how it should have been. They were only friends, if even that, and cuddling wrapped around each other definitely doesn’t belong in a friendship. 

What did this all mean? What did he feel? Most importantly what did Sebastian feel? Kurt looked at Sebastian’s clothes by the bed. At least he hadn’t taken them with him when he had left the bed. Maybe Sebastian was coming back to the bed and continue sleeping… or he would run away. He knew enough about Sebastian through when he was trying to get Blaine - or was he, he thought back to last night - and he knew this was what Sebastian did. Find guys from bar, spend the night and leave before morning. There was a reason Kurt had called him a whore the night before. 

But they hadn’t have sex. Sebastian was going to leave home and he only got to the apartment because Kurt had asked. The way Sebastian had played with the guys in the club last night, Kurt wasn’t able to imagine Sebastian letting them hold him. Maybe this was… this was something. 

Kurt quickly laid back on the bed closing his eyes when he heard Sebastian’s footsteps coming back to the room. He tried to stay as still as possible to make sure it really looked like he was sleeping. Please come back to the bed, Kurt thought. Please Sebastian don’t run away, he thought knowing things would be easier if Sebastian really just left but he didn’t want that. That moment he wanted Sebastian. 

Kurt let out a small sigh he didn’t even know he was holding when he felt Sebastian come back to the bed. Sebastian didn’t only come back to lay on the bed but he laid as close to Kurt as possible. Kurt waited for a moment as Sebastian settled next to him pressing their heads together softly. He moved his arm over Sebastian’s body carefully and continued trying to sleep with a smile on his face. 

**-**

Sebastian Smythe doesn’t eat breakfast. He has trained himself not to feel hungry in the mornings. He only drinks one black coffee every morning and that is enough to get him through the day till he would eat something little for lunch. Eating breakfast is useless if you ask him. 

But next time he woke up the first thing he noticed was the smell of breakfast and his stomach almost made a flip. He opened his eyes slowly and looked around the room. Kurt wasn’t in the bed anymore and the curtains were now open. He glanced at the clock and it was already past ten. Time to get up, he thought. 

Sebastian sat up slowly from the bed grabbing his clothes. How did this work, he thought. He never stayed till morning and definately for not breakfast. Did Kurt think this was somehow normal? Maybe this was normal for Kurt? No it couldn’t be, Sebastian thought as he stood up pulling his pants and jacket on. 

Sebastian walked slowly out of the bedroom to the big room that was kitchen/living room. He heard Kurt singing in the kitchen and followed the noise. He looked how Kurt was frying the eggs making a small dance around the kitchen. He was adorable. 

“Morning”, Kurt smiled when he noticed Sebastian looking at him. Kurt had got out of the bed 20 minutes earlier. He had been able to sleep a little bit more and after just looking at Sebastian he decided to make them breakfast. He needed it and dear god Sebastian needed some food in him. “Have a seat. Breakfast is almost ready.” 

“Thanks but I don’t really eat breakfast”, Sebastian told Kurt but walked over to the kitchen grabbing a mug to get some coffee and sat down on to the table. “But coffee is good.”

“I won’t take no for an answer”, Kurt told Sebastian with a smile as he placed a plate with egg and toast in front of Sebastian. He gave him a smile before turning to get himself a plate. “Eat it!” 

Sebastian hummed a little taking a fork and slowly moved the food around. Kurt did cook it for him so he guessed he could eat. He took small bites slowly as Kurt sat opposite of him. He felt Kurt look gaze at him but when he lifted his gaze the other boy looked to other direction right away. 

“It’s good food”, Sebastian forced a smile to Kurt. It tasted like fat but it felt so good to get real food. Kurt smiled brightly right away. “Where is Rachel?”

“She ended up in some guy’s apartment and then got song inspiration and headed to her school to write or something”, Kurt shrugged while eating. He was glad Rachel wasn’t there. This way he could have little bit more time with Sebastian. “She has… gone bit crazy after getting to NYADA.”

“Thank god I live alone”, Sebastian smiled to Kurt while pushing the food around his plate carefully. You can just go for a run today, Sebastian told himself. You can eat it. “No crazy roommates.”

Kurt looked how Sebastian was playing with his food. It all felt too familiar to him. It had been second year of high school. He had just got to Glee club and he had fallen desperately in love with Finn. He was coming in terms with being gay. He felt very lonely. There were so many things going in his life and he felt like he wasn’t in control. His self-esteem was so slow and he needed something to control over. Eating was the easiest choice. 

His father had stopped him before it got too serious. He had noticed what he was doing to himself and got him to therapy quickly. The therapy had saved Kurt from falling to any deeper darkness. Now he feared Sebastian could have already fallen deep. He was sure Sebastian’s hospital stay had something to do with this. He hoped him noticing this wasn’t too late. He truly felt connected to Sebastian somehow and cared for him - this scared him a little. Sebastian had taken care of him yesterday night. It was his turn to help. 

Sebastian ate the last forkful of food and pushed the empty plate away a little. He moved his tongue around his mouth and drank some more coffee to get the taste away. His stomach felt little weird now but it didn’t feel too bad. It felt even less bad when he saw how Kurt looked happy that he liked his food. Sebastian was looking at the other boy when Kurt’s phone started vibrating on the table. 

_ Blaine is calling... _

“You not gonna answer?” Sebastian asked after a moment as Kurt just stared at his phone but didn’t touch it. 

“No”, Kurt shook his head turning his phone back upward. He sighed a little running his hand through his hair. “This is third time he is calling. I know he is calling about the deleted instagram pictures but I just… i don’t want to talk to him. Not yet. I am too angry.”

“You shouldn't talk to him”, Sebastian told Kurt looking at him. “He isn’t worth it. You are much better and you will find someone who is so much better.”

Kurt smiled to Sebastian softly feeling his heart beat a little faster. Who had knew Sebastian Smythe would be so sweet and soft? But there were still so many things to figure out. 

“Should we talk about what happened yesterday?” Kurt asked carefully looking at Sebastian. 

“What about it?” Sebastian asked trying to sound casual just looking at Kurt with a little smile on his face. Dear god please Kurt tell me what are you feeling, Sebastian thought. 

“Just honestly thank you for showing me the truth about Blaine and… for staying the night”, Kurt smiled to Sebastian softly but felt a little nervous. “I haven’t slept that good in… months honestly.”

“Yeah it was nice”, Sebastian smiled but focused his gaze on the coffee mug. “It really was. And honestly no problem.”

“I was just wondering that… you know maybe we could hang out sometime”, Kurt said gazing to Sebastian. Gosh why did he feel so nervous, he thought. We are just friends that’s it. “I could use a friend here.”

“Honestly me too”, Sebastian looked up from his coffee mug and gave Kurt a soft smile. He was scared Kurt was actually able to hear how hard his heart was beating against his chest. “Wanna maybe catch coffee next week?”

“I would love that”, Kurt smiled softly to Sebastian and gave him his phone to exchange numbers. 

Sebastian wrote his number to Kurt’s phone thinking for a moment before saving it as just his first name. If they were friends that should be enough, he thought and got Kurt’s number to his phone. Sebastian drank one more cup of coffee while asking Kurt about his work. When Kurt tried to ask about Sebastian’s school, Sebastian was quick to avoid and left the apartment. He still felt good about the night thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been over the moon by how many comments you guys have left me :3 thank you so much!
> 
> Next update probably on next Friday x


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian spend time together. What could go wrong?

Kurt found himself standing outside Sebastian’s apartment the next week’s Friday. They had been messaging each other every day just casual stuff and how their days had gone. Even Rachel had noticed how Kurt had been on his phone more and more and always had a smile on his face. It was easy to smile while messaging Sebastian. The other boy always made him smile with the jokes and little flirt. It felt natural. 

But now standing outside of Sebastian’s apartment door made him nervous. Rachel was having a party at their place and after last weekend he didn’t want to have anything to do with Rachel’s drunk and loud friends. When he had complained to Sebastian about it, the other boy had offered for Kurt to come over to his place. So now here Kurt was a wine bottle in hand knocking on the door. 

“Hey”, Sebastian opened the door with a smile on his face letting Kurt in. “Welcome to my place.”

“Thanks I brought wine as a thank you”, Kurt smiled softly to Sebastian giving him the bottle before walking in. He wanted to know everything about Sebastian and had been trying to imagine what the other man’s apartment would look like. “This is really cool place.”

Kurt looked around the place curiously. The apartment had one big room where was little alcove where a double bed was. There was a sofa and tv on the other side of the room and desk in front of the window. Sebastian had shelves full of books, dvds and playstation games. There was some city posters on the wall and a big mirror on closet doors. Adding to this was a small kitchen that seemed to have however been just renovated. It was all cozy and it was so Sebastian. 

“Thanks”, Sebastian smiled softly to Kurt while he walked to kitchen to open the wine bottle right away. He felt nervous of having Kurt over. It was first time that someone had came over to his place and he had been cleaning the place for hours. The wine was much needed. “My dad owns this place.”

“Oh wow”, Kurt hummed walking over to Sebastian’s desk looking at all the books on the table. There was lot of law books and pages off notebooks. All the notes were neatly done and there were drawings and different colours.The other boy must be working like crazy. “This is close to your school right?”

“Yeah like ten minute walk”, Sebastian answered simply as he walked to over to Kurt giving him the other wine class flashing him a quick smile. “Good spot I guess… but I don’t wanna talk about school… been doing enough essays today.”

School was the last thing he wanted to talk about. The stress was starting to take over him slowly and he spent most of his time just reading and reading. He didn’t want to fail. He wanted to become a lawyer and make a good career. He knew he had what it took but dear god he felt so weak right now when it came to school. 

Sebastian’s smile was tense and he took a big gulp of the wine right away before walking over to his tv getting some music on. Kurt looked to Sebastian just trying to study him. Sebastian was really smart. He was always able to avoid Kurt’s tryes to get him to open up more. This was the night he would finally be able to get the other boy to open up. 

“Let’s talk about your school”, Sebastian told Kurt while he walked to sit on his sofa. Kurt looked at Sebastian curiously as he moved to the sofa keeping his distance still to him. “Are you going to apply to NYADA again?”

“Oh well…”, Kurt hummed a little and sipped some of the wine. Maybe Sebastian was going to find out about him aswell, he thought. “Well Broadway or well singing is still my dream. I really like my work now but I guess I could give it one more try. I am really jealous when Rachel goes on and on about all the amazing courses.”

“You should try again”, Sebastian gave Kurt a soft smile that made his heart warm a little bit more. “I think your voice is really good… It would fit many shows.”

“Aww thank you Sebastian”, Kurt smiled to him feeling his cheeks blush deep red. To be honest he hadn’t been singing in awhile. It was still his dream but it was scary. It would be so hard to reach and he was fine with his job right now. He wasn’t ready to give up however. “I think I just really need to grow my courage and self-esteem.”

“And also you know your dancing sucks.”

Kurt turned to look at Sebastian right away ready to say something mean back but when he saw the smirk on Sebastian’s face he softened right away. It reminded him of the old Sebastian and he couldn’t be angry about that. After all Sebastian was also kind of right. 

“I’m not a bad dancer”, Kurt told Sebastian while fixing his own hair. “I wasn’t the best dancer in our club but like definitely not one of the bad ones either.”

“That is because everyone in your club sucked expect for that asian guy”, Sebastian said smiling down looking to his wine. Gosh he missed being captain of the Warblers and doing all the dances. “Your choreography was always so lazy and most of you didn’t know how to move.”

“Oh and you are the expert on dancing then?” Kurt chuckled a little like he was challenging Sebastian. 

“Well I did ballet and jazz for like almost ten years so… yes I am”, Sebastian smirked looking at Kurt. Kurt chuckled a little and shook his head. The words that fell out of Sebastian’s mouth were so natural and gosh it made him feel alive but he also knew they have got himself in trouble before. Now thought Kurt was smiling and laughing which made Sebastian smile more and heart go faster. “You know if you want I could help you with your dancing. Make it more natural if you want?”

“Really? You would do that for me? Because you are not exactly wrong… I don’t feel relaxed when dancing like at all.”

“Yes of course. That’s what friends do right? And I miss dancing and bossing people around.”

Kurt chuckled a little but nodded to Sebastian. He wasn’t ready to let go off the other boy and if dancing meant more time with him he wanted to take it. Messages from Sebastian were a comforting addition to his life - without Blaine there were no new messages in his phone - and when he got to be with the other boy it really felt like the reality just stopped and he could focus on Sebastian. 

“I didn’t know you actually did dancing”, Kurt was looking at Sebastian as he talked. He wanted to know everything. “That is cool… Why did you stop? You should have continued performing.”

“My mom was a ballet dancer when I was little”, Sebastian hummed a little while sipping wine. He was drinking quickly, Kurt thought but just focused on listening. “So she got me to the different dance classes as a kid. I still enjoy dancing a lot and performing but… I don’t want it to be a career.”

He didn’t. He enjoyed singing and dear god he enjoyed dancing but it just wasn’t realistic. He wasn’t good enough to do those. He knew how unsure those careers would be and how they suck people in and destroy families - like it had his. He needed some actual career he could be proud of and get stability. 

“You could still go to dance classes even if you don’t want to do it for real”, Kurt offered a bit with a soft smile. Sebastian’s mom he thought. He had never heard of her, but he had mention his dad few times. “But your mom was a dancer. That is so cool. No wonder you are so good. Does she still dance?”

“I wouldn’t know about that”, Sebastian shrugged a little. Kurt gave him a questioning look so he decided to continue. He had never really opened up to someone but with Kurt it felt natural. “She left me and dad when I was like ten. Fell in love with some other dancer and left us and the country… I don’t even know where she is now but at least she is alive… She sent me 10 thousand check for graduation present and a card.”

“She sent you ten thou- wait that’s not the important part”, Kurt interrupted himself quickly but when Sebastian only laughed he felt little less bad about what he said first. “I mean I’m sorry about your mom. That must have sucked.”

“Is okay”, Sebastian shrugged a little but forced to keep a smile on his face. “I mean it wasn’t okay when she did that but it’s now. Whatever really… my dad has a new wife and twin boys.”

“You are an older brother?” Kurt asked curious. He wanted to ask about Sebastian’s mother so much more getting deeper to know the other boy but maybe it would be better to stay out of that. He knew how hurtful it was to talk about mothers that weren’t there anymore. “I can’t imagine you being a brother.”

“I mean I’m not a good brother but I am a brother”, Sebastian hummed and left to fill his wine glass. “The twins are like four I guess… I have only lived in the same house with them for like a year… they are loud and annoying.”

“You are also loud and annoying you know”, Kurt smiled softly to Sebastian as the other boy came back to the sofa with full glass again. He sat down to the sofa this time closer to Kurt than before. “But anyway since dancing is clearly in your blood I really want your help… but no boy band moves!” 

“Boy band moves?” Sebastian smiled to Kurt softly. He had drink maybe bit too much and fast but he still tried to keep himself “You think my dancing is boy band moves?”

“Have you seen yourself perform?” Kurt laughed sitting better legs crossed on the sofa. He bit his lower lip not to smile too much. “Sebastian you literally always sang boy band - British boy bands for fuck sake - and the way Warblers danced… It was like they were your backup dancers in your band.”

“Hey don’t mock British bands!” Sebastian said right away to Kurt and moved to change the music to One Direction just to annoy the other boy. Kurt groaned loudly when the music changed. “One Direction is the thing.”

“Please change the music!” Kurt told Sebastian putting his glass away. Sebastian hided the remote right away behind his back. “Give me the remote Bass or I will fight for it.”

“As if”, Sebastian laughed softly but when Kurt stood up from the sofa Sebastian quickly left to hide from him. 

They ran around the small apartment for five minutes before Sebastian finally let Kurt catch him and fight the remote off him. Kurt ended up almost laying on top of Sebastian as they catch their breathe just laughing a little. Kurt manage to change the music but it didn’t stop Sebastian from humming One Direction songs to annoy him and make them play in his head. 

After Kurt beat Sebastian with a pillow for making ‘What makes you beautiful’ to play in his head, they started talking about their times in their Glee clubs. It felt good to talk about the good old days. Sebastian liked talking about how he decided all the songs and the dance moves. Kurt made him laugh when he told all stupid lessons Mr. Shue made them do and the old songs they were forced to sing. 

It was already midnight when Kurt looked at the clock the next time. He was feeling tired and maybe just bit tipsy but the time had gone so fast and he really had fun with Sebastian. The wine bottle was long gone and Sebastian was clearly tipsy and was talkative and laughed a little. It made Kurt smile. 

“Okay I want some soda”, Kurt stood up carefully from the sofa walking to the kitchen. “The wine left an awful taste in my mouth.”

“Well that’s because you clearly bought some cheap crap wine”, Sebastian smirked to Kurt. Kurt glared at him but was still smiling. “There is some water and cola in the fridge.”

Kurt nodded a little and opened the fridge door. He wasn’t sure what he had expected but this was worse than he could have imagined. There wasn’t much else than just the water and coke. There was few bananas and protein puddings but nothing he would call real food. Kurt sighed a little and took a water bottle. 

“Bas”, Kurt sighed and walked towards the sofa. Sebastian looked up from his phone he had been checking. “Your fridge is pretty empty… I think I know what is going on with you. You have clearly changed from last ye-”

“Kurt don’t”, Sebastian started while his gaze fell to the floor. 

“No Sebastian listen to me!” Kurt said right away stronger standing in front of him. “When we met first time you were in hospital and honestly you have gotten really small Sebastian and now the fridge and… Sebastian I worry.”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Sebastian snapped at Kurt standing up from the sofa making the other boy jump a bit back. “Kurt I don’t want to talk about that right now. Or ever. I am fine enough to still be here and that is enough!” 

Sebastian was shaking a little almost like he was starting to break down but he just tried to keep himself strong. Kurt looked at him slowly taking a step closer and placed his hand on Sebastian’s arm. When the boy didn’t flinch away he moved closer and pulled Sebastian carefully to a hug. Sebastian leaned against him a little. Kurt was able to feel how Sebastian was shaking against him. 

“We don’t have to talk about it”, Kurt hussed him moving his hand up and down his back trying to calm him. It seemed to work a little when Sebastian pressed his face against Kurt’s neck. “We don’t have to about it now. I know what it’s like trouble with eating and… everything. I just want you to know that when you are ready to talk about it I am here for you and even if you aren’t I will be here.”

Sebastian felt a small tear rolling down his cheek and while just tightening the hold around Kurt. He wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not to Kurt or anyone. But at least there was someone holding him and gosh he needed that. He closed his eyes tightly as Kurt moved his hand to Sebastian's hair playing with it as he pulled him as close as possible. 

They stayed there for few minutes. When Kurt was sure Sebastian had calmed down he pulled away slowly. He wiped few tears off Sebastian’s cheek just looking to the other boy’s eyes. Sebastian was sure his heart would actually exploded. Kurt placed a soft kiss to his cheek before pulling away. 

“It’s all going to be okay”, Kurt told Sebastian quietly looking to his eyes. Sebastian gave him a little nod. “I promise you that Bas.”

Sebastian wasn’t so sure but gosh he wanted to believe Kurt. He really wanted to. Gosh he wanted to have hope in himself and be okay. He never thought that but with Kurt he felt better. Sebastian took a step back wiping his cheeks still away. He mouthed ‘thank you’ to Kurt not trusting his voice. 

“Is pretty late”, Kurt gave Sebastian a quick smile while checking the time. “I should probably leave home.”

“Stay”, Sebastian said right away before Kurt was even able to leave take a step away. He cleared his voice a little before continuing. “If you want… we have slept in same bed before so... please.”

“Of course I stay”, Kurt smiled to Sebastian feeling warm feeling in his heart. Sebastian smiled a little and took a deep breath. 

Sebastian’s bed was smaller than Kurt’s was but this time there was no talk about your side or my side. Sebastian craved for Kurt’s touch and affection right away almost glued to him as they both got to the bed. Kurt moved his arm over Sebastian pulling him close. The other boy felt so cold and small in his arms. Gosh he just wanted to protect him. 

“Good night Bas”, Kurt whispered as he got the lights off. He pressed a small kiss on his forehead. “Everything will be alright.”

“Yes it will”, Sebastian whispered back already half asleep but there were some hope in those words. Maybe it would, he thought as Kurt stroke his hair and he fell asleep. 

-

Kurt was the first one to wake up in the morning but he didn’t even try to get out of the bed. Sebastian’s head was resting on Kurt’s chest and his arms were wrapped around his waist. Kurt smiled softly just looking at the other boy while his arm was wrapped around his shoulder. 

He kept looking at him just thinking about last night. How natural their friendship meant. How good it felt to press the small kiss on his cheek. How it felt good when Sebastian actually opened up a little and show emotions. How beautiful Sebastian’s voice had been when he had sang One Direction to him. Kurt hummed to that memory and a smile came on his face. 

Sebastian was slowly starting to wake up moving a little on the bed just pressing himself more against Kurt before he opened his eyes. Sleepy Sebastian was so cute, Kurt thought as Sebastian opened his eyes slowly and looked to Kurt. 

“Good morning”, Kurt told Sebastian fixing the other boy’s hair off his forehead. “You slept long.”

“You are a good sleeping toy”, Sebastian told Kurt with a sleepy smile pushing himself a little bit more up. “Nice and warm.”

Kurt chuckled a little and sat up slowly from the bed simply leaning against the wall while looking at Sebastian trying to wake up. I could get used to this he thought while looking at how adorable he really looked. 

“I think I drank too much”, Sebastian groaned a little rubbing his face a little feeling a headache pushing through. “Fucking hangover… ugh.”

“We should get some food for you and well me because I am so hungry”, Kurt smiled looking at Sebastian. The other boy frowned right away a little. 

“You saw my fridge. There is no food.”

“Yeah but there is this really cute brunch place nearby. Please come there with me. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want but you need to feed me or I will get angry and you don’t want that.”

Brunch, Sebastian thought growling a little but when Kurt asked so nicely. He had been so nice to him the night before and Sebastian felt like he owed him something. At least Kurt seemed to understand it was hard. So he nodded to Kurt agreeing to go and Kurt smiled excitedly. 

The place was really cute like Kurt had promised. There weren’t too many people but there was lot of food. While Kurt filled his plate with everything, Sebastian picked carefully the healthier options and even getting those down took some time. Kurt didn’t however mention it or even look at him funny. He felt safe. 

“Can I ask you something about yesterday night?” Sebastian asked after a moment of just pushing the egg pieces around the plate. Kurt looked up to Sebastian and nodded with a smile. “You said you troubled with eating... When?”

“Second year of high school”, Kurt said putting his food down and just looking at Sebastian. It was hard to talk about but Sebastian asking about it was a big step. “I was really lonely, I had fallen in love with Finn - or well as much as a kid can - and I didn’t get as many solos in Glee than I thought. So I started use eating as something I could control.”

Sebastian nodded a little. It felt little bit too familiar to him. He knew why he was doing what he was doing. He had no control over his life and all the shit that had happened. His self-esteem had dropped all time low. Eating was easy to control… Easy and dangerous. 

“Okay”, Sebastian said and continued eating again slowly. “That’s all.”

“Okay”, Kurt chuckled a little to Sebastian and nodded while he continued eating aswell. “This place is so good isn’t it?”

“Yeah it is”, Sebastian smiled softly but just looked at Kurt. He made it so good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for all the support! It means so much!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys struggling with what they are and Sebastian has a bad night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)

After the Friday night Sebastian and Kurt got even closer to each other and started spending more time with each other. Sebastian had started teaching Kurt some dancing stuff. Kurt came over to Sebastian’s place sometimes after work and sometimes they even caught lunch together during days - Kurt was always watching carefully how much Sebastian ate and to be honest there was some little improvement. 

Sebastian only came on Kurt’s place when they were sure Rachel wouldn’t be there. They didn’t need any questions about why they were hanging out so much or what they were. It was none else's problem what they were… Most they avoided the questions because they didn’t know either what they were. 

They slept in the same bed always cuddled against each other. They shared touches and cheek kisses but nothing else. Kurt knew he liked Sebastian a lot and maybe there was a small crush going but he wouldn’t admit it. Meanwhile Sebastian was absolutely sure he had a crush on Kurt and dear god did he hate that. 

Sebastian found people attractive but crushing on them wasn’t his thing. He had a crush on the first boy he ever liked but that was when he was 13 and well… that boy was French. That doesn’t really count, he thought. But now he was sure he had a crush on Kurt and that scared him. He was used to sleeping with people and moving on but no matter how much he tried to get Kurt off his mind he couldn’t. Whenever Kurt asked to do something together he wanted to say no but couldn’t. Kurt was keeping his life somewhat worth it. He had stopped going out and sleeping around even. He just couldn’t go when all he thought about was Kurt. 

Kurt knew he liked Sebastian. He enjoyed the other boy’s company and everything felt so natural and good with him. They really bonded and he knew he was able to help Sebastian and at the same time Sebastian was helping him. Things were so different compared to Blaine… Blaine. That was something that stopped him. Was it all too soon? Maybe? 

It was month after the Friday they spent at Sebastian’s place for the first time and everything was starting to feel overwhelming. Kurt’s mind was going crazy with all the thoughts. He only knew he needed to talk with Sebastian. His work day had been a mess and all he thought about was just Sebastian’s strong arms around him. That was what he needed. He was just about to leave the apartment when Santana opened the door to the apartment. 

“Santana what the hell are you doing here?” Kurt asked confused when their former Glee teammate was standing outside the door with two big bags. Rachel came out of her room to see what was going on as well. “Why are you in New York?”

“I’m moving here!” Santana said simple walking in to the apartment with her bags. Kurt was just looking at her mouth hanging a little open just confused. Santana was there… in New York… in their flat. Santana just looked around with a big - annoying - smile. “So where can I sleep?” 

-

“It’s been like three weeks Bas and she is still there!” Kurt was walking back and forth in front of Sebastian. He kept rambling on and on about Santana letting his frustration out. “She said she would get her own place but no! She is still just there laying around and going out all the time and I hate her Bas! I hate her.”

Sebastian just nodded a little while looking at Kurt walk around his small apartment. This had already kind of turned into a tradition. Kurt would come over at Sebastian’s place smoke almost coming out of his head from anger. He would go on and on about how annoying Santana had been or how his work sucked. Sebastian just sat in silence nodding to Kurt before after maybe ten minutes Kurt would collapse on the sofa next to Sebastian and calm down. After that they would maybe watch tv together, do some dance training or just be close to each other and talk. 

Kurt was adorable when he was angry, Sebastian thought and most of the time it was hard not to smile while looking at Kurt. Now though Kurt had already been rampling for fifteen minutes and it seemed like it might never end. 

“Kurt… you need to breathe a little”, Sebastian told Kurt while he tried smiling to him. “Let’s do something like watch Kardashian or something. At least sit down please.”

“Bas she is taking over the bathroom all the time”, Kurt sighed collapsing on the sofa next to Sebastian. He had no intention to stop yet. “You know how important my routine is for me. Oh and she is on Tin-”

Suddenly Sebastian’s lips were against his and he was kissing him. Sebastian was kissing him! Sebastian Smythe was kissing him and all Kurt was able to do was close hiis eyes and start to kiss Sebastian back.Sebastian pulled Kurt closer to a deeper kiss while Kurt leaned against him. It felt like the whole world had stopped. 

Sebastian pulled away after a moment. He took a shaky breathe just looking to Kurt for a moment before pulling back fully. There, he thought. He had been longing to kiss Kurt for weeks and now it felt like the easiest way to do that. He wanted to act like it was all casual and ignore how good the kiss had felt. 

“You kissed me”, was the only thing Kurt was able to say after the kiss. Sebastian was back to just sitting on the sofa and putting tv on. Kurt bit his lower lip not to smile too much. “You kissed me. Why?”

“Because you wouldn’t shut up”, Sebastian said and gazed to Kurt with a little smirk. “It worked.”

Kurt’s chuckled a little just looking at Sebastian. After Santana had moved in suddenly most of his energy and thoughts went to just hating her and his overwhelming feelings towards Sebastian had got to back of his mind. Now it all came screaming back but dear god had that kiss felt good. 

“It felt nice”, Kurt said quietly but that made Sebastian turn his focus on him again. “Really nice… and you were right. It worked… really well”

“Oh you liked the kiss?” Sebastian chuckled softly looking at Kurt. Keep the confidence wall up, Sebastian thought. “You wanna kiss again?”

Kurt blushed deep red but he nodded to Sebastian little shy. Sebastian chuckled a bit before pulling Kurt to more kisses. That is how they spent the evening. Sharing small kisses, long kisses, deep kisses and soft kisses. By the end they ended up cuddling together and fell asleep. 

-

Things changed between them after that - but only to better. They weren’t still a thing and what they had wasn’t a relationship but to be honest for anyone looking at them from the outside would think that. Kurt spend weekend nights at Sebastian’s place staying the night. Kissing was now part of their hanging together but they hadn’t continued further from that. Sometimes they walked together hand in hand but they weren’t dating. That made things easier… or harder. 

Sebastian was sitting on his bed just looking outside. He was almost shaking just looking at how the thunderstorm outside. Kurt wasn’t coming over tonight because he had some photoshoot for work next day and he still had work to do. Sebastian really needed Kurt for the night. The whole day had been awful. 

It had been little over two months since he got out of the hospital and his father had insisted that he needed to go do a check up. He had said that if Sebastian didn’t go he would come with him there and force him. He knew his father just wanted to help him and cared for him but his ways were… not good. So he had gone after having a panic attack before going and night of no sleep. His weight had gone up and the doctor was really happy about all improvement. 

Sebastian wasn’t happy. Spending time with Kurt and doing his school stuff and all had balanced his life better and eating didn’t have such a big part anymore. He had let himself get distracted and he just felt fat now. He had tried not to weigh himself or look at himself too much but the doctor visit made it all too real. 

Kurt is busy, Sebastian told himself. Kurt is busy with work and I can’t go there to distract him, he told himself but at the same time his mind was screaming to go to Kurt. He was the only person that could distract him from his thoughts. He would be the only one to understand him.

“Sebastian you have stop that!” he whispered to himself standing up from the bed. He was shaking a little and walked straight to his jacket and sneakers getting them on. 

He knew running away from the problem wasn’t an answer but maybe just running was. He pulled his running jacket on and looked to the rain. He would do a quick run and after that he would feel lot better. 

-

“Why did I promise to do this again?” Kurt said out loud while he was steaming the jacket for the shoot next day. He was nervous about the shoot. His boss had been so tense lately the shoot needed to go perfectly. He had taken some of the clothes over to his place to get them ready.

At least he had the place to his place for the night. Rachel had a student party and had left already few hours ago. Santana was out too partying or something.. Kurt wasn’t sure and honestly it was just important that he stayed away. He had some music playing and he had the night just for himself after the last jacket. Only thing missing was… Sebastian. 

It was weird not to have Sebastian there. They spent so much time together nowadays and to be honest he had been about to ask Sebastian over at first. However he knew that if the other boy was there he would be distracted and not able to get work done. They would just end up making out and he wouldn’t be able to think about work. 

That was what Sebastian did to him. All his thoughts became a mess when Sebastian was around him. He forgot about real life and just wanted to be close to him. Worst was when they were together but to be honest time without Sebastian was also getting harder. The other boy kept popping up to his mind through the day. 

“What the hell?” Kurt said when he heard a knock on the door. He checked the clock quickly while walking to the door. Neither of the girls should be coming home yet. It was still early. Maybe it was just someone trying to sell something he thought as he opened the door. “We do- Sebastian?!”

Sebastian had ran. He had ran for almost an hour trying to get every bad thought away. It wasn’t working and his mind had brought him there. Outside Kurt’s apartment absolutely soaking wet from the rain. His whole body was shaking as he just looked at Kurt. 

“What are you doing here?” Kurt asked worried. His heart had almost stopped when he had seen Sebastian… or a man that was barely Sebastian. He had never seen him as miserable as he looked now. “You… you are wet… What has happen?”

“I feel like I am losing my mind”, Sebastian said looking deep to Kurt’s eyes begging for help. “You were the only one that I knew who to come to… Can I come in?”

“Yes of course!” Kurt said opening the door fully and pulling Sebastian to his arms right away. Sebastian took a deep breathe wrapping his arms around Kurt tightly holding on to him. The thoughts in his head were finally starting to slow down. Kurt felt how the boy was shaking and he just tried to hold him as close as possible. “Gosh Sebastian you are soaking wet. Let’s get you dry clothes and something warm… then we talk yes?”

Sebastian just nodded but didn’t let go off Kurt yet. He wasn’t ready to let go yet. Kurt moved his hand to Sebastian’s hair playing with it knowing that usually calmed the other boy. Kurt pressed a kiss on his neck just holding him as close as possible. 

“I’m here now”, Kurt whispered to Sebastian’s ear softly. “I am here with you and I’ll never let go. I am always here for you Bas.”

After a moment Sebastian was finally ready to let go off Kurt. Kurt ordered him to go take a warm shower while he quickly finished the clothes for tomorrow’s shoot. Kurt went through his closet and was able to find some warm and bigger clothes that would fit Sebastian. 

“I brought you warm cocoa”, Kurt walked to his bedroom with two mugs. Sebastian had got the clothes on and was wrapped in big blanket. His eyes were bright red and he looked tired. Kurt sat down slowly on the bed and gave him the mug. “Do you want to talk about what has happen?”

“Not really”, Sebastian said quietly while taking the mug. He was still shaking a little from the cold. He couldn’t look at Kurt feeling ashamed to be there and be so weak. Kurt kept looking at him waiting for an answer still. Sebastian sighed a little. “I had a doctor check up and… it is overwhelming.”

“Okay”, Kurt told him knowing that this would be all Sebastian would tell him for now. Kurt moved closer to Sebastian moving his hand to his cheek lifting his face so their eyes would met. “You don’t have to say anything else but I just want to say this: I am so proud of you Sebastian. For coming here and not staying alone with your thoughts. This is just a small rough patch.” 

Sebastian nodded a little and just looked down to the mug sipping the cocoa. Gosh it felt so fattening and sweet. It was disgusting - and oh so good. This was just a small bad phase and that was it, Sebastian tried telling himself while he pulled the blanket more around him. 

Sebastian had been so good for so long and had clearly gotten better with eating. Still sometimes Kurt caught him on worse days when the boy seemed to be little off and quiet. On those day Kurt just tried to be there for Sebastian hold him close and try to make him feel safe. And that is what he was going to do tonight too. 

Kurt got them a movie on and made the bed as comfortable as possible for them to snuggle in. Kurt called work to let them know that he couldn’t come to work the next day after all and that pickup service would come get the clothes from his place. The work day would have been important but honestly Sebastian was much more important to him. 

They ended up laying on the bed watching a superhero movie while Kurt had his arms around Sebastian tightly. He kept stroking the other boy’s hair softly giving him as much affection as possible. Sebastian stopped shaking in an hour and his eyes were starting to fall close. Kurt whispered sweets nothing to the other boy’s ear making him fall asleep quickly. 

When Kurt was sure Sebastian was peacefully sleep, he finished with the clothes and got a service to get them clothes back to work. When he was sure everything was ready he walked back to the bedroom. He just sat on his bed and looked at sleeping Sebastian softly stroking his hair. 

Sometimes he thought about what would have happen if Sebastian hadn’t come to his life. He had become such an important and big part of his life. He knew he had a crush on him and sometimes it felt like he might be even falling in love. He was too scared to think about that though. It was too soon and there were so many things to figure out before that. 

They had gotten to know each other pretty well over the few months they had spent today. They knew a lot of stuff about each other but Kurt knew that wasn’t a enough yet. There were too many doubts yet. Sebastian had a past that didn’t seem that light and to be honest Kurt also had stuff they hadn’t talk about. Gosh they hadn’t even talk about the whole slushie incident. 

Kurt sighed a little trying to tell himself to stop the thoughts. He needed to think about something else. He looked down to Sebastian just sighing but a small smile came to his face right away when he looked how beautiful Sebastian was. 

“You are staring”, Sebastian opened his eyes slowly and smiled to Kurt softly. Kurt startled a bit from surprise that Sebastian was awake but just rolled his eyes a little with a smile. “I saw you.”

“You saw nothing”, Kurt chuckled and looked to Sebastian fixing his own hair quickly. “I thought you were asleep.”

“You stare at me while I sleep?” Sebastian teased at Kurt before moving a little bit better under the blanket. He still felt exhausted but the negative thoughts had let go off him a little bit. “You should be sleeping too… don’t you have the early morning shoot tomorrow?”

“I decided that I am not going to go there”, Kurt said standing up from the bed starting to change his pyjamas. He felt Sebastian looking at him. “And before you start I won’t cancel me not going there. You need me and your wellbeing is more important than some stupid small shoot that in the end won’t do anything for my career.”

Sebastian looked at Kurt but didn’t say anything. He smiled a little and just pulled blanket more on him. He felt his heart beat bit faster at Kurt’s words. Sebastian wasn’t good with feelings and sometimes it was hard to know what he actually meant Kurt. He wasn’t used to people care for him. 

As soon as Kurt laid on the bed next to Sebastian, he moved on top of the other boy pressing their lips together. Kurt smiled surprised but kissed Sebastian back relaxing in the other boy’s arms. 

The kisses went from hot and full of passion to soft and full of love. Their bodies were pressed against each others being as close as possible to each other. After ten minutes and one last kiss Sebastian moved to the side snuggling close against Kurt as the other boy shut the lights. In less than a minute both of them were deep in sleep. 

It would be okay

-

“Kurt never sleeps this late”, Santana told Rachel while she was nursing her hangover on the sofa. “I want him to make us some food.”

“I thought he was suppose to be in work”, Rachel said yawning big while drinking coffee. “But his shoes and jacket are still there by the door… Should we go check?”

“Yes I want food”, Santana sighed and walked to Kurt’s room door opening it without knocking. “Kurt I- What the hell?! What is that doing there?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter I have ready from 2019 that I wrote. I have however started the next chapter so hopefully I can keep updating once a week like I have!
> 
> Thank you again so much for the support! Your comments make me so happy


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After match of girls walking in and a night at Callback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: so first 400 words of this chapter was written in 2019 when I started this fic. To be honest I stopped writing fully for like a year but my style maybe has changed a bit so that is the reason if it feels different. The story however has always been the same in my head even when I stopped writing 
> 
> Also I don't like Santana. I just don't. You might see it in this fic lol
> 
> Thank you for everyone that has been reading!

Kurt had been sitting on top of Sebastian just kissing him with soft kisses when Santana and Rachel walked in to his room. He jumped to the side pulling blanket over them both right away not looking at the girls while Sebastian had just frozen to his spot looking at the girls. They had been so into each other they hadn’t even heard the girls were home. 

“This is my room and you guys can’t just come in like that!” Kurt managed to get out but still kept his gaze down just feeling his cheeks blushed dark red. “I… Get out!”

“What the hell is this Kurt? What is that bully doing here?” Santana said looking at Sebastian with a disgust look in her face before turning to Kurt. “New York is full of gays and you find that selfish bitch.”

“Yeah New York is already full of gays who at least have their own apartment and not come bunk in their friend’s apartment”, Sebastian said right away before neither Kurt or Rachel was able to say anything. His old self was quick to say those things before he even realised. 

“Oh you little boy want to fight?” Santana said crossing her arms over her chest huffing. “You know I’ll beat your a-”

“Santana shut up!” Kurt said lifting his gaze from his lap to look at Santana and Rachel. “You two get out already! I will talk to you guys later okay?”

“Okay Kurt… okay”, Rachel said still a little shocked looking between Kurt and Sebastian confused. She started pulling Santana with her while the latina was sending daggers at Sebastian. “But we will talk about this. We need an explanation!”

Kurt showed the girls to leave already rolling his eyes. Santana glared at Sebastian only last time pulling the curtain close. Kurt took a deep breath when they were finally alone. He turned to look at Sebastian for some kind of reaction but Sebastian was just staring forward face plank. He knew there must be so many thoughts going in his head. 

“Look Bas don’t worry I will tell them some story… is fine” Kurt told him moving his hand under the blanket to take Sebastian’s. Sebastian lifted his gaze to meet Kurt’s. “I guess we should have been more careful… or… I don’t know”

“It’s my fault anyway”, Sebastian said sitting up on the bed rubbing his face. “If I hadn’t come here yesterday they wouldn't find us… if I hadn’t got that attack and if I had been nicer in high school they wouldn’t hate me or… Gosh Kurt I was awful to you then too I really sh-”

This time it was Kurt who interrupted Sebastian pulling him to a deep kiss. Sebastian let a little noise against Kurt’s lips while the other boy just pushed him down to the bed kissing him deeper. Kurt moved his hands on Sebastian’s cheeks giving his everything to the kiss. Sebastian wrapped arms around Kurt automatically pulling him close and for a moment it felt nothing had just happened. 

Kurt pulled away slowly from the kiss panting hard. He just pressed his forehead against Sebastian’s and just cupped the other boy’s cheeks waiting for their breathing to come down. Sebastian looked at Kurt with his big green eyes while gasping for air. 

“Do not listen to what they said”, Kurt whispered at Sebastian but his voice was strong. “You are not who you were in high school. You are the sweetest guy I know and I care about you so much Bas. I will explain some story to the girls. I won’t tell about your problems. It will be okay.”

Sebastian looked to Kurt’s eyes wanting to believe everything Kurt was telling him. Sebastian nodded to Kurt a little before just pulling him to a kiss wanting a moment of peace from his thoughts. Kurt smiled a bit against Sebastian’s lips but his mind was racing. 

They stayed in the bed one moment longer before they both knew they needed to leave their bubble. Sebastian got his now dry clothes back on, taking a couple of deep breaths. Kurt walked Sebastian to the door ignoring the two girls glaring at them from the kitchen. 

“I will call you later today”, Kurt told Sebastian as the other boy was kneeled down tying his shoelaces. Sebastian nodded a little before standing up. He really wanted to pull Kurt to a hug but when he heard Santana call them from the kitchen he decided not to. 

“Hey twink fuck off already!” Sebastian rolled his eyes when he heard Santana. He was almost ready to shout back but just shook his head a little. 

“Thank you for yesterday night”, Sebastian told Kurt quietly just focusing on him. “You saved me.”

“Always Bas”, Kurt smiled to Sebastian reaching to squeeze his hand tightly before just watching Sebastian leave the apartment. 

Kurt took a deep breath before heading to the kitchen. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Embarrassed that the girls found them like that? Maybe a bit. Ashamed of what has been going on? Definitely not. Worried over Sebastian and his friendship now? Yes. Angry that the girls maybe ruined absolutely everything? Hell yes.

“Nope!” Kurt told Santana as soon as he walked to the kitchen showing his finger to Santana to stay quiet. “Me and Sebastian are friends and have been for little over a month. I very well know what he did when we were in high school, trust me I know, but I don’t care about what you might have to say about this. It is my life. We are friends. That’s it!”

Kurt moved simply to the fridge to get something to eat ignoring the girls in the room. He tried to look as confident as he was able wanting the girls to trust his words when really in his mind all the high school memories were back. He had been able to forget all of that because this Sebastian never seemed like the cocky dickhead he was. But that had also been Sebastian. 

“Okay fine Kurt but one thing”, Santana said strongly. Kurt turned around to face Santana with tired look. “How often do you make out with your just friends?”

Kurt swallowed hard before just shaking his head and leaving to his bedroom with yogurt and banana. He needed more sleep. He definitely did not want to think about this. 

-

They didn’t talk about what had happened. They didn’t talk about the time when they were in high school. They didn’t talk about what the two actually were. 

It wasn’t because they didn’t spend time together. Actually they possibly spent even more time together than ever before but neither of them dared to start the hard conversation. It was just easier to spend that time kissing and simply being together. 

They spent their time in Sebastian’s apartment now doing everything to ignore the girls in Kurt’s place. Rachel hadn’t mention anything about the incident while Santana did make snarky comments Kurt ignored all of them. He wanted to keep Sebastian away from the girls. That was till the last days before Christmas break. 

“I promised Rachel and Santana that I would go to Callbacks tomorrow night”, Kurt said suddenly while he was lying on Sebastian’s bed. Sebastian turned his head towards Kurt from where he was sitting with his school books. “I know it’s the last night before you leave for Christmas holiday so I was thinking… maybe you could come with us?”

Sebastian looked at Kurt just confused. His automatic reaction was to say no. Actually no. It was hell no. He didn’t want to hang out with Rachel and especially not Santana but he wanted to spend the last time with Kurt that he would be able to. In New York their lives had twisted together but in Lima they were fully apart. 

“Callbacks is the Nyada bar yeah?” Sebastian asked leaning back on his work chair looking at Kurt. Kurt nodded a little while biting his lower lip nervously. “Sure I come with you. Are you going to sing?”

Kurt looked at Sebastian heart beating a little bit faster. He smiled to Sebastian softly. Sebastian would come there with him. Was there anything this man didn’t do for him?

“Nah no singing for me”, Kurt smiled softly to the other boy. “But thank you Bas. I will make Santana behave so you don’t have to worry about her.”

Sebastian gave Kurt a smile before turning back to his books. He tried to ignore how his hands were shaking just a little. You will be okay, Sebastian told himself. You will have Kurt there. 

-

Well he did have Kurt there… for a moment before Rachel had pulled the other boy to meet some of her friends. Kurt had no say in the issue as Rachel basically dragged him away from their table. Sebastian told Kurt that it was okay even though what he was seeing was absolutely killing him inside. 

Sebastian looked over to the bar where Rachel kept pushing Kurt to some guy friend of his. Sebastian knew what Rachel was playing. If Rachel pushed Kurt enough on many gay guys he would forget about Sebastian and find someone better. More like find someone, Sebastian corrected in his mind. We are nothing, he thought. 

“You are drooling”, Santana slipped to sit next to Sebastian with a smirk. Sebastian just gazed to the girl with a tired look before looking at Kurt laugh at the guy’s joke. “No comeback?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes but still didn’t say anything. He and Kurt had came together to the Callback while girls had already been there. Rachel had simply said quick hello and nothing more. Santana meanwhile looked at him with disgust and snarky comments.

“Have you lost your touch twink?” Santana said smirking still waiting for reaction. Sebastian pretended like he didn’t even hear Santana. “There is no point in you drooling for Kurt. You guys will never be anything, trust me. As if he would forgive you for everything you have done. Almost blinded Blaine, threatened our glee club, made Karofsky try to kill himself.”

Okay that hurt, Sebastian thought, turning to look at Santana whose smirk just grew bigger. Sebastian knew he was not responsible for what Dave had tried but it didn’t stop himself from still feeling guilty over his action. Of all the things he had done really. That was the old Sebastian though. He had or - he was forced - to leave that part of him behind. But right now when he looked at Santana he was ready to go back in a heartbeat. 

Before Sebastian could say anything back to Kurt had finally managed to run away from Rachel sitting next to Sebastian quickly. 

“Rachel is being so annoying”, Kurt sighed with a little smile but his smile dropped when he looked between Sebastian and Santana. “What are you guys talking about?” 

“Oh about how Sebastian is gonna go up and sing next”, Santana gave Sebastian a smirk and a little wink. Sebastian felt ill just dropping his gaze to the table. 

“Really?” Kurt asked right away excited turning to look at Sebastian grabbing his hand automatically. “You gonna go sing? You really should!”

“I… I don’t think so”, Sebastian gave Kurt a tense smile rubbing back of his neck a little. “It’s been way too long since I sang last time.” 

“What are you talking about? You sing every time we practise dancing!” Kurt said excited to Sebastian giving him such a big smile that even Sebastian smiled a bit. “Pleaseeeee.”

Sebastian looked at Kurt for a little moment before sighing and nodding. If it made Kurt happy then he would happily do it. He would do anything for Kurt to feel happy. Maybe even disappear from his life, he thought as Santana’s words spinned in his head. 

Kurt looked at Sebastian head to the stage, his heart beating like crazy. To be one of the reasons why Kurt had wanted Sebastian come to the bar was to possibly get Sebastian more excited about music and singing again. Everytime they were dancing and Sebastian was singing there was a smile on his face that Kurt never saw at any other point. Just pure happiness. 

Sebastian was getting better day by day, Kurt was able to see that. He was eating more and he seemed to be more present in his life. There was still bad moments when Sebastian refused to talk but at least he started to come to Kurt in those moments letting the other boy comfort him. Everything was going well. 

Or now it has stopped a little. Thanks to the girls knowing. 

“This is going to be fun”, Santana smirked to Kurt leaning back on her chair. Rachel came back to their table too sitting down. “I wonder what boyband song he will sing… if you can even call it singing what he does.”

“At least he is going to sing”, Kurt snapped back at Santana growling at her. “You promised to behave around him.”

“I don’t remember that”, Santana shrugged while sipping on her drink as Sebastian took the stage. “Oh this will be fun!”

Kurt showed Santana to shut up while he focused fully on Sebastian. Sebastian looked at Kurt who gave him a soft smile trying to give him courage. Sebastian took a deep breathe before starting the song. 

_ I can't write one song that's not about you _

_ Can't drink without thinkin' about you _

Kurt felt his heart start to beat so much faster. Sebastian was looking straight to Kurt as he sang beautifully. It felt like everything in the whole room disappeared from when Kurt looked at Sebastian. 

_ It doesn't matter 'cause I'm so consumed _

_ Spending all my nights reading texts from you _

Sebastian was surprised so how steady he was able to keep his voice. He only kept looking at Kurt singing it for him and finding courage in him. He sang this for Kurt and Kurt only. When he had heard the song first time he thought of Kurt right away. Not that the thought of Kurt ever really left his head. 

_ Is it too late to tell you that _

_ Everything means nothing if I can't have you? _

Sebastian ended the whole song in perfect harmony and the bar started cheering excited. Sebastian felt blush come to his face while he quickly after little bow just made his way back to the table to Kurt who was now standing up. Before he even reached the other boy Kurt already pulled him to his arms and kissed him softly. Santana made a little gagging voice. 

“That was amazing”, Kurt whispered against Sebastian’s lips. Both of their hearts beat like crazy. 

-

Rest of the night Kurt sat on Sebastian’s lap happily as they listened to the performances. Sebastian had his arms wrapped tightly around Kurt’s waist while he couldn’t stop smiling. Santana had rolled her eyes at the couple before leaving the table and never coming back. Rachel looked like he wanted to say something to Kurt about the situation but she never said anything. 

They end up at Kurt’s flat stumbling to Kurt’s bedroom both slightly drunk. They make out lazily a good moment in the bed before cuddling against each other tightly. They don’t talk about anything just letting their touches tell everything. 

They are both drunk. Half of the drunkness only comes from alcohol. The other part comes from Sebastian’s song that Kurt is still playing in his head and Sebastian is buzzing with the fact that he was actually able to sing for Kurt. 

All of that came crashing down the next morning. Sebastian pulled away slowly from Kurt’s arms just sitting on bed looking at the other boy for a moment. His plane was leaving in few hours and he couldn’t miss it. Leaving Kurt felt like Sebastian was ripping his heart to parts. 

I will see Kurt soon. Few days and I will see him. Everything will be okay. 

Sebastian wrote a quick note to Kurt and pressed one last kiss on his forehead before leaving the apartment absolutely heart broken. 

_ Sorry, had to catch my early flight. I will text you when I land. I will miss you x _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again!
> 
> The next chapter has been in my head for like from the start of this fic and I am excited! I am still writing it but hopefully next Friday I can update again! 
> 
> ps the song is Shawn Mendes - If I can't have you


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt meets some Glee club friends before seeing Sebastian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My plans of "I have lot of time to write this chapter" and "I have clear plans for this chapter" all came crashing down on Sunday and I literally just finished this (I was suppose to write uni stuff oops) 
> 
> Also Spotify really did me dirty and my most listened artist of 2020 is Glee cast for second year in a row... hell yeah

Kurt had his hands full of work the last days of New York before Christmas holiday. There were so many things to finish and get in order. Gosh he even had some of the Christmas shopping undone. Only thing that made him feel sane and that he would be able to do it all was Sebastian’s messages through the days. 

Kurt had woken up few hours after Sebastian had left the apartment. His head was aching but it was nothing like the pain when he read the note. He knew that Sebastian had to leave. He knew that it wasn’t Sebastian's decision to leave then. Still he felt like this was the worst moment to have a break. 

After Callback all Kurt wanted was to tell Sebastian what he felt towards him. That he had fallen for him and wanted something serious with him. That he wanted to talk about the high school time because they had to but that wouldn’t still change the feelings he had towards Sebastian. 

He couldn’t say those things through text. He would just have to wait for them to see again. 

It took them a week before they met again. Or when they could possible meet again. Kurt just needed to get through one dinner first. He wasn’t exactly sure he could get through it. 

It was Christmas day and the glee club had planned already long time ago that they would all go to Breadstix together to spend time together. This was already a plan before half of them had graduated. Everyone would come home for Christmas so it would be the easiest way to meet each other and hang out again. 

Kurt just didn’t want to hang out with them. Or more specially he didn’t want to hang out with Blaine. He didn’t have any feelings towards him anymore but that didn’t mean that what happened didn’t hurt him deeply. But at least after the dinner he would meet Sebastian. That was all he kept telling him. 

“You look a little pale”, Finn told Kurt as he was driving them to Breadstix. Kurt sighed a little. “You nervous about seeing Blaine?”

“I just don’t want to see him”, Kurt said honestly just looking at the road. “But I will be fine. And is not like is just Blaine there. With all of us there I am sure there is enough of catching up to to do.”

Kurt was very right about the catching up. Almost everyone got the the Breadstix and they went around in a circle telling everyone a bit how they were. Quinn told about Yale. Mercedes told about LA. Rachel told, for way too long, about Nyada. Puck told about army. Tina told about doing some designs. Kurt stayed quiet and listened to every member with a soft smile. It was good to hear that everyone seemed to do well. Soon however it was Kurt’s turn. 

“What about you Kurt?” Blaine said while giving Kurt the sweetest smile he possible could. “How is New York?”

Up till this point Blaine had been quiet only saying simple hey to Kurt that Kurt had responded with a small nod. Kurt did feel Blaine’s eyes on him while others were telling their stories but he ignored him. He didn’t need Blaine back in his life no matter how much the other boy possible would want back. He was fine. 

“New York is great”, Kurt answered with a smile. “I have a great job that I love. I have new friends. It’s best thing that has ever happened to me.”

Kurt gave Blaine a smile when he said the last sentence knowing it hurt Blaine. But Blaine deserved to feel at least a bit of the pain that he had felt. Blaine lowered his gaze just looking to his hands. Everyone around the table was quiet for a moment before Mike started telling how he was doing. Kurt felt Finn squeeze his thigh quickly as a support.

After everyone had told their stuff the talking changed to more relaxed everyone just chatting with who ever they wanted. Kurt focused on talking with Mercedes listening to her amazing stories about LA. Kurt was happy for his friend. Just as Kurt was about to start tell about Vogue to Mercedes he felt his phone vibrate. 

_I will be there in twenty x_

Kurt smiled right away reading Sebastian’s message. Fucking finally he would be able see Sebastian again. Sebastian had been meanwhile seeing some of his warbler friends but he was finally coming to get Kurt and they could go drive around. 

“Whose message makes you smile so bright Kurt?” Mercedes asked curiously with a teasing tone. She kept her voice down making sure no one else was able to hear them. “You have a new boyfriend?”

“Umm”, Kurt hummed looking at the message before putting his phone away. In all honesty he wanted to scream his happiness to everyone… he probably would if it wasn’t Sebastian. “Not a boyfriend but… I definitely have someone special in my life.” 

Mercedes looked at Kurt excited but before she was able to ask any questions Kurt quickly excused himself from the table to go to the bathroom. He checked himself out in the mirror. Seeing Sebastian felt somehow special. And he wanted to look good for him. He felt some kind of butterflies in his stomach as he did when he had first started hanging out with Blaine. But he was a hopeless teenager then. Now he knew this was real. 

Kurt got back to the table just focusing on Tina complaining about the new kids in the Glee club. He was almost counting minutes passing just waiting for Sebastian’s text. Soon enough it came. 

_I’m outside_

“Okay guys it was so great to see you all”, Kurt stood up right away not caring that he interrupted Sam fully. “I have to go. I’m meeting a friend but we see still on this break okay? Bye!”

Kurt just gave a quick smile to everyone heading to the bar right away to pay and grab the milkshakes with him. The faster he left the less there would be questions to answer to. He hadn’t planned someone coming after him. 

“Kurt where are you going?” Kurt heard Blaine’s voice just as he was grabbing his jacket from close to the bar. Kurt turned to look at Blaine who had a hurt look on his face. “I understand that things are tense between us two but you don’t have to take it out on all of us. Come on stay with us”

Kurt just looked at Blaine for a moment. He wanted to yell at him so badly. If Blaine had cared for him he wouldn’t have cheated and everything wouldn’t be so tense and Kurt would happily sit in that table. Now though he had better things to do. He wasn’t even able to make me mad at Blaine anymore. Hurt yes but not mad. Breaking up had possibly been the best thing to happen. 

“Blaine I don’t have a problem with anyone I just have a friend that is waiting for me”, Kurt told Blaine as kindly as possible. “I just have to go. Bye!”

Kurt headed towards the door right away. He was able to hear Blaine still call for his name but he almost ran out of the restaurant. He looked around the parking lot before noticing Sebastian bit farer away leaning against his dark blue Mercedes. Kurt felt like he was able to breathe again as he ran straight to Sebastian’s arms. 

Sebastian wrapped his arms tightly around Kurt pulling him as close as possible. His whole body was shaking a little and all he was able to think was “finally”. The days without Kurt had been… foggy. Being back home was overwhelming but Kurt’s messages were able to keep his head over the surface. 

But every bit of the tenseness and fogginess left his brain as he finally got to hold Kurt. He buried his face to Kurt’s hair just breathing in the familiar scent and feeling his heart finally calm down and anxiety levels come down slowly. Everything was okay again. 

“Fuck I missed you”, Sebastian whispered to Kurt before slowly pulling away just smiling his true biggest smile. “Kurt I can’t live without you. You are my absolute everything.”

Kurt looked at Sebastian feeling his heart beat against his chest ready to burst out before simply pushing Sebastian against the car kissing him deeply. Sebastian let out a little noise of surprise but soon reacted to Kurt’s kiss absolutely melting against him. 

It’s not like it’s their first kiss. It definitely isn’t. But this was something completely different from their comfort or love filled kiss. This was pure passion and Kurt pushed himself against Sebastian while Sebastian’s hands fell down on Kurt’s back to lay on top of his ass. 

“I want you Bas”, Kurt pulled away from the kiss pressing their foreheads together. “I want you right now.”

“Fuck Kurt”, Sebastian groaned quietly squeezing Kurt’s ass a bit. 

“No one is home at my place”, Kurt whispered against Sebastian’s lips before kissing him deeply again. 

“Let’s go then”

Sebastian drove as fast as possible to Kurt’s place while Kurt’s hand laid on Sebastian’s thigh the whole time. He parked the car more to the side of the house. As soon as they were inside Sebastian slammed Kurt against the wall hard. They stumbled their way to Kurt’s bedroom not letting go off each other for a moment. Soon they fell to the bed starting to rip each other’s clothes off as soon as possible. 

Kurt took his time kissing every bit of Sebastian’s body telling him how perfect he was. Sebastian made sure every moment that this was what Kurt wanted. In the end both laid on the bed covered in sweat while panting hard. Sebastian pulled Kurt to his arms placing a kiss on his forehead. 

“That was best sex I have ever had”, Sebastian whispered to Kurt while the other boy snuggled to him. “Fuck Kurt why did we wait this long?”

“Good things come to those who wait”, Kurt said softly while looking to Sebastian. He moved his hand to Sebastian’s cheek softly stroking him. “I never want to be without you again.”

“Oh I’m never letting go”, Sebastian promised while pulling Kurt to a soft love filled kiss. 

**_Meanwhile at Breadstix_ **

Blaine looked at Kurt almost run away from him and the Breadstix. He knew what he did was awful and Kurt has every reason to be angry at him but he really had trusted that Kurt would have forgiven him and wanted to talk to him. He had just had bad time without Kurt and things had escalated. But he and Kurt were soulmates after all. There is no way that Kurt would be over him. 

Blaine walked after Kurt to the door of the Breadstix just taking few steps outside to look for Kurt. He felt his heart absolutely break when he saw Kurt in the arms of some guy. He was too far away to see if it was someone who he would know. He looked at them hugging each other for a moment before it simply got too painful and he walked back inside. Blaine bit his lower lip not to start crying as he walked back to the table. 

“Blaine is everything okay?” Sam asked carefully from his friend pulling him close to him right away to the sofa. “What happened?”

“I guess Kurt has someone new”, Blaine shrugged with a pout. He wiped a little tear away. “I saw him run to hug some guy in the parking lot. I didn’t see who it was though.”

There was a moment of silence in the table everyone just sharing little gazes. It was tense. Everyone knew what Blaine had done but some of them still believed in Kurt and Blaine staying together. The silence broke when Santana broke. 

“It is Sebastian Smythe”, Santana said strongly while everyone turned to look at her. Rachel made a little noise while Santana just shrugged. “He told me and Rachel not to say anything to anyone but is Smythe. They are hooking up and are disgusting and we should all try and find a way to stop this from happening!”

“It is Sebastian?” Blaine said again just to make sure. His mind was racing not sure what to think about anymore. Sebastian Smythe and Kurt. His Kurt and Sebastian. He felt ill. “There is no way! They hate each other!”

“Didn’t look like it when we walked in on them making out on the bed or how Kurt sat in his lap in bar we went to”, Santana rolled her eyes annoyed as he looked around the table. “Come on we all hate Smythe or have we forgot when he did last semester? We need to break them up. Kurt has clearly lost his mind.”

“I don’t know he looked quite happy when Sebastian texted him”, Mercedes said right away wanting to defende Kurt. Kurt’s smile had been so happy. “It’s none of our business who he is with.”

“You are not serious!?” Santana said strongly anger building in her. “Sebastian almost blinded Blaine. He tried to break him and Kurt up the whole year. He was rude to Karofsky and blackmailed us.”

“Santana shut up”, Quinn said at that point sighing. “We all did stupid shit still year ago. I am gonna trust Kurt in this like we all should. Leave it now!”

“I’m just trying to be a good friend but fine then”, Santana rolled her eyes just looking to the table. She gazed to Blaine a little. 

Blaine was staring down to his hands trying to process all the information he just got. Kurt and Sebastian together seemed like the most crazy thing he had ever heard off. Maybe everything wasn’t okay with Kurt, he thought. 

He decided that the first thing he would do the next morning was to go see Kurt. He had to make sure everything was okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading again! Can't believe I am so close to finishing this fic. 2019 me would have never thought I would actually write this to the end and specially that so many people would read this! Thank you so much! 
> 
> The plans for the last chapter are still all over the place and the time to do it is also bit questionable but hopefully I could post it next week's friday for you guys :) no promises!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine is coming for a visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE LAST CHAPTER OMG
> 
> me last week: "i will hopefully update on next friday"
> 
> also me: started writing this yesterday 
> 
> sorry life kinda hit me in the face!

Finn was in the kitchen making breakfast when he heard loud knocking on the front door of the house. He frowned a little and headed to the door. It was still quite early and he knew his mom and Burt would come home closer to the evening from where they had gone to visit some relatives. Finn looked through the window close next to the door and frowned before opening the door. 

“Blaine?” Finn asked confused as he looked at the younger man. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to Kurt!” Blaine said right away to Finn trying to walk to the house. Finn stopped him. Blaine looked at him confused. “Finn come on! You heard everything yesterday! Aren’t you worried about this whole Sebastian thing?”

“I trust Kurt”, Finn said simply to Blaine but sighed. Okay maybe he was a bit worried. He definitely wasn’t a fan of Sebastian after the whole slushie and blackmailing incident but he knew Kurt wasn’t stupid either. And Finn had definitely not forgiven Blaine for what he did to Kurt. “Kurt is still in his bedroom. Wait here and I go check him first and see if he wants to talk to you.”

“Thank you Finn!” Blaine smiled gratefully to Finn. “Please tell him I really need to talk to him. Please!”

Finn simply nodded and headed upstairs to Kurt’s bedroom. He still wasn’t sure about if he even wanted to let Blaine in but Kurt could decide that. He just hadn’t imagined that when he opened the bedroom door Kurt wouldn’t be alone. 

“Kurt Bla-oh”, Finn stopped when he saw Kurt and Sebastian cuddled on the bed. “Sorry!”

Kurt had woken up a moment ago already but he was more than happy being cuddled against Sebastian. Sebastian had pressed himself fully against Kurt’s back face pressed to Kurt’s hair and arms around Kurt’s waist. The other boy was still sound asleep just huffing happily. 

“No one knows how to freaking knock”, Kurt sighed quietly cheeks blushed a bit. He bit his lower lip when Finn looked around the room for a second seeing their clothes around the room. “Umm… did you have something?”

“Uh yeah!” Finn said suddenly remembering why exactly he was there. “Blaine is downstairs wanting to talk to you. After you left Breadstix… with Sebastian I see Santana told everyone about you two and he wants to see if you are okay. Do you want to talk to him?”

“She did what?!” Kurt asked eyes getting wide as he sat up on the bed. He felt his heart start to beat harder right away. He definitely didn’t need the whole glee club to know he and Sebastian were… they were something. Not when he knew exactly what they thought of the other boy. “What did she say exactly?”

“That you guys are hooking up”, Finn said eyeing at Sebastian who had woken up to Kurt’s movement and voice. He was looking around sleepy and confused. “And she tried to convince everyone to break you two up.”

Kurt looked at Finn before sighing. He rubbed his face frustrated. Trusting that Santana wouldn’t tell anyone anything had been maybe a bit too much yes, but that she would do this was over the line. Now everyone knew and their attitude towards Sebastian must be even worse. And Blaine wanted to talk to him about this. Fuck. 

“What the hell is going on?” Sebastian said his voice still hoars from waking up. He looked between Kurt and Finn confused while yawning a bit. He was still so sleepy he couldn’t process Finn being in the room. 

Kurt turned to look at Sebastian just thinking what to do. Everyone knew now. He knew Blaine wouldn’t leave him alone with this. One way or another Blaine would slyther his way to him and talk about this. Kurt sighed and turned to look at Finn. 

“He can come up here in three minutes”, Kurt told Finn simply starting to reach for the clothes. Finn looked at Kurt unsure but Kurt just showed him to leave. “Tell him to knock and wait for an answer.”

Finn nodded a little closing the door as he left downstairs. Sebastian was still trying to wake up and understand what was going on around him as Kurt started quickly gather all the clothes of yesterday from the floor to his arms throwing them to the bathroom and starting to get his pyjamas on so it would really look like nothing special happened yesterday. 

“Kurt I am so lost at the moment”, Sebastian told Kurt looking at him. “What the hell is happening?”

“You are going to the bathroom and stay there quiet while I talk with Blaine!” Kurt told Sebastian grabbing his hand starting to pull him from the bed. Sebastian looked at Kurt but stood up slowly. “Okay hide in the bathroom. Blaine can’t know that you are here.”

“Why is Blaine here?” Sebastian asked still so confused and gosh Kurt wanted to hit him for how he wasn’t get it. 

“Santana told everyone about us last night and now Blaine wants to talk to me”, Kurt told Sebastian pushing him towards the bathroom. “I just wanna tell him to fuck off and everything please you hide in the bathroom and be quiet.”

Sebastian stopped to stand on the bathroom door just looking at Kurt. He definitely didn’t want to be in the room when Blaine would come but deep inside it felt like a sharp stab in his chest that Kurt seemed to be ashamed of him. That is at least how it felt like. 

“Please Bas”, Kurt told Sebastian quietly taking his hands to his lifting them and pressing them against Sebastian’s chest leaning against the taller boy. “Please.”

Before Sebastian was able to answer Kurt tiptoed against Sebastian pulling him to a deep kiss. It was a kiss like no other. It was fireworks. It was summer days. It was the first snow. It was warm blankets. It was stars in a dark sky. It was everything and even more. 

“Kurt?” Blaine’s voice from behind the door broke the moment as Kurt pulled away from the kiss carefully. It took a few seconds to come back to the real world he just stared at Sebastian’s red lips panting a little. “Kurt can I come in?”

Sebastian stared at Kurt for a little moment before leaning to place a soft kiss on his forehead before taking step to the bathroom closing the door behind him. Last thing he saw was Kurt’s sweet smile while he mouthed ‘thank you’. 

Kurt quickly moved to sit on the bed pulling the blanket on him a bit and making sure his hair was okay. Meanwhile Sebastian quickly got his clothes on from the day on before leaning against the wall taking deep breaths. 

“Come in”, Kurt told Blaine before taking a deep breath. He felt his heart start to beat more again when Blaine walked inside the bedroom looking around. Before Blaine had time to start Kurt continued. “I know why you are here. Mine and Sebastian’s relationship is nothing that concerns you or anyone else in the Glee club.”

“Kurt come on”, Blaine sighed closing the door after him before sitting by end of Kurt’s bed. Fine let’s go straight into it, he thought. “We are talking about Sebastian Smythe here. Have you forgotten everything he has done? He almost blinded me! He blackmailed us! Do you not remember how he was to Karosfky? He tried to get between us and break us up!”

“First of all I remember all that yes but the Sebastian that I am hanging out with is far from that”, Kurt told Blaine finding himself only getting more angry at his ex boyfriend. “He promised he would turn a new page after what happened to Dave and he truly has. Also the slushie incident is not like he actually wanted to blind anyone. It was just a mistake where it hit!”

“Kurt are you listening to yourself?!” Blaine said raising his voice not understanding how Kurt was this blind. “Sebastian is still a Sebastian. You hated him all through last year. He wanted to make you miserable by breaking us up. He tried his everything to break us up.”

“Yeah he did and I hated him for it”, Kurt admitted and he saw Blaine getting a hint of a smile on his face. Maybe he was getting to Kurt’s head now. “I hated him when really I should have hated you. You were the one that allowed him to do that because you loved the attention. You gave him hope and you let him get to our relationship.”

Blaine didn’t have anything to say back to that. He just looked down to his hands trying to gather something to say back. Meanwhile Kurt was absolutely fuming. He had been awake for quite some time before Finn came to the room. He had been finally stopped to think about his and Sebastian’s history and the high school years. The conclusion was that he was at peace with everything that had happened. 

Sebastian wasn’t the Sebastian Smythe he had met during senior year. Sebastian had gone through a lot and the hard shell had clearly melted away and the true big warming heart that the boy had was the now the first thing Kurt saw. 

“Kurt please”, Blaine tried pleading one more time. “Sebastian is not a good person. He will just play you. I am so much better for you.”

“Oh my god just stop!” Kurt said strongly officially done with Blaine. He stood up from the bed furious. “There is no way you can fight your way out of this. Especially since I know you actually wanted to fuck him during this fall. Yeah I saw the messages from his phone. You are pathetic Blaine.”

“Kurt ple-”

“Blaine nothing you can say will ever change anything! I love Sebastian with all my heart! I love him!”

Sebastian opened the bathroom door at that moment just staring at Kurt eyes wide. He had been listening to everything happening feeling like his heart would actually burst out of his chest. He stared at Kurt only seeing him in the whole room. 

“You love me?” Sebastian managed to stutter out brain trying to process everything that was going on. 

Kurt felt his breath get stuck in his throat just looking at Sebastian. The words had simply just spilled out of his mouth without much thinking but they were true. He did love Sebastian. He had realised that when going through everything in his mind. The question just was the other boy’s reaction. 

“Yes”, Kurt said with a shaky breath. “I love you Sebastian.”

Sebastian stared at Kurt for a moment before walking to him with his heart beating hard as he pulled Kurt to his arms. He pulled Kurt to a deep kiss cuping the other boy’s cheeks as he kissed him. 

“I love you too”, Sebastian whispered against Kurt’s lips. 

Blaine left the bedroom door slamming close but even that didn’t break Sebastian’s and Kurt’s love bubble. 

\- 

Sebastian leaned against the wall on Rachel’s porch. He had his winter jacket wrapped around him tightly while slowly sipping rose from his glass. He is able to hear the music through the house but he was just enjoying looking at the stars up in the sky. 

It was new year’s eve and he and Kurt were leaving back to New York in two days. If someone had told him year ago this is how he would be celebrating new year he would have thought it was a sick joke. New Years party Rachel Berry’s with all of the new direction kids. No thanks. 

But it was the last chance for Kurt to see his friends so he had agreed to be his avec to make him boyfriend happy. Boyfriend, he thought and a soft smile spread on his lips. Kurt was now his boyfriend. He Sebastian Smythe had a boyfriend. Who he loved. And most importantly who loved him. What a weird year it had been, he thought shaking his head. 

He and Kurt had spent the whole Boxing day in Kurt’s bed talking every feeling they had about each other out. They discussed their history. They discussed the fall that they had. They discussed absolutely everything to the point that they were so drained no words were able to leave their mouths. End of the conversation was however simple: they were boyfriends. 

“Babe why are you here?” Sebastian turned his head seeing Kurt walk towards him with a soft smile. Sebastian opened his arms to Kurt giving him a smile. Kurt walked straight to his lap snuggling to his boyfriend. “Are you not enjoying the night?”

To be honest the party wasn’t that bad. Sure he felt almost everyone glare at him but Kurt made it clear that he was proud to be there with him. Blaine and Santana looked at him the worst but he just stayed away from them while actually having some good conversations with Quinn and Mike. He had just got bit overwhelmed and wanted some cold air. 

“I’m fine”, Sebastian hummed putting his glass down and wrapping arms tightly around his boyfriend. “I just wanted some air and space to think.”

“So what have you been thinking then?” Kurt asked with a soft smile sitting better on Sebastian’s lap while moving to push Sebastian’s hair off his forehead. Sebastian’s eyes were shining and he knew he was a bit drunk but all Kurt was able to think was that he loved his man so much. 

“Just how crazy it is that I am here”, Sebastian smiled moving his head bit to the side just looking to Kurt. “And how happy I am that I have you. And how much I love you.”

“Who knew Sebastian Smythe would be so sappy”, Kurt chuckled softly and leaned to kiss Sebastian softly. 

“Well now you know”, Sebastian said between the soft kisses. 

“Yeah and that is all that matters.” 

Yeah they would do just fine together, both of the thought while softly kissing each other while fireworks were going off. Everything would be fine. Probably more than fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A happy ending!!!
> 
> Thank you so much for everyone that read this fic! The support has been overwhelming and I love all of you! Thank you so so much!
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this! If you leave a comment I will be forever grateful! 
> 
> I think I will post the second chapter some point of next week! Thanks!


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